A little irreverent

Another one bites the dust

2012-01-29T20:36:00.000-06:00

O lost ANOTHER tooth tonight. That makes 3 teeth in 8 days. This last one grossed me out the most though. That wiggly dangly little guy just hung out, hung on for days. Poor O wouldn't bite anything and EVERYTHING had to be cut up in teeny tiny bites. And, it had to be soft. Feeding her was tough.

The thought of her playing with it in her bedroom for the next hour, until it came out was just too much. She's a determined little gal and I knew she wouldn't sleep until it was out. So, tonight, I helped her yank it out. LT tried and said it wasn't ready. Pshaw!! I wouldn't even try to help her with her other ones because it made me too woozy, but I sucked it up and we yanked it out. She was thrilled and she had me text the tooth fairy to make sure she stops by tonight.

"A BISON"

Smile!

HEYYYYY!!

This was a special pose.

She even practiced it in the mirror before the shot.

The tooth.

Wuggle Pets

2012-01-29T15:36:00.000-06:00

Grandpa gave O wuggle pets for Christmas. Oh boy, was she happy. She has brought them to life over and over again. Each time she loses a little more of the stuffing and stars that belong inside. Anyway, we were heading out the door to church this morning and she had one in each hand. We were telling her to come a long and she held them up and said "They want to praise the Lord!"

We thought that was pretty cute.

Basketball

2012-01-22T18:56:00.000-06:00

I love basketball.

The Naval Academy is nearby and occasionally there are good deals on tickets. O and I have been to 3 games this season and we are loving it. This past Saturday night we had a "girls night". Two of my other basketball loving friends joined us. It was a lot of fun to banter with them and watch O entertain herself. She brought a variety of lip balms/lipsticks and glitter gel. Her cheeks were glittery and her lips were very shiny. Anyway, here are some of the pictures from our Navy game night.

The beginning of the game.

(I'm sure K will really appreciate me sharing this pic.)

The 14th application of lip balm. It's good luck.

This player was frustrating to watch.

She hesitated every play and gave up a lot of good shots because of it.

See the nice shiny ring around the lips???

O ended up with a ball that was tossed into the stands.

As you can tell, she's thrilled that I'm taking her picture, again.

Life with O

2012-01-22T18:35:00.000-06:00

While listening to Coldplay,
Me - Hey, this guy who is singing has a daughter and her name is Apple.
O - *giggle giggle* Does she have a brother named bumble bee? *giggle giggle*

We were on our way home from a long errand. O was talking to her daddy on the phone and out of nowhere she says, "Hey, will you please do me a favor? Will you cook dinner for me?"

Last night O lost a tooth. She's been working on this one for a while. We were driving home from a basketball game and since there really isn't much for a 5 year old to do in the back seat of a car, she went to work on the tooth. At bedtime she said she wanted to put herself to bed. We were THRILLED she wanted to do it, and at the same time a bit suspicious. We were hoping she really was going to go to sleep, but 10 minutes later she came out of her room with a bloody tooth in her hand. We, of course, did all of the fun stuff and celebrated with her and took pictures. She told me I needed to text the tooth fairy. It was late and she didn't want the fairy to pass her by. I sent a text to one of my friends, she texted back and I was able to tell O the tooth fairy would be by that night. We have a little pink box we got from the dentist when they took her first tooth. We cleaned up the tooth, put it in the box and put it under her pillow. I tried to talk her into putting it in the little cubby at the top of her bed, but she was determined it had to be under the pillow. She was so jazzed about her tooth that it took a little while for her to settle down and go to sleep.

Fortunately we remembered to do the tooth fairy thing before we went to bed. However, I encountered a slight problem when trying to make the swap. When I put my hand under her pillow, I couldn't find the box. WHAT?!?!? Did she hide it somewhere? She's a sneaky thing like that, I think she gets it from her dad, but that is besides the point. She was lying on her stomach, head to one side and BOTH of her hands were under the pillow. I tried to lift the pillow and she moved her head. I tried to slip my hand in on either side and she moved her head. Each time I tried, she rolled over and grunted or something. I was terrified I would wake her up and ruin the fun or traumatize her for life. I mean, who can sleep soundly when you wake up and find someone hovering over you in the middle of the night? How do you recover from that? Anyway, I gave up and went back to my room.

This morning she ran into our room elated that the fairy gave her "tons" of money AND let her keep her tooth. Now, here's a small confession about the "tons" of money. We took a bunch of coins out of her piggy bank and used them for the tooth fairy money. Is that wrong?

Our adventure may continue tonight. O has been working like mad on another tooth that LT and I didn't even know was loose. It may or may not make it tonight.

One other thing, last night I sprinkled glitter on our sidewalk and driveway and this morning when we left the house I pointed it out to O. We told her it was fairy dust. She said, "I'm flying, wait, no I'm not". Funny kid. Anyway, that prompted a lot of questions about how the fairy gets into our house. Tonight O wants to set a "sticky trap" to catch the fairy. I asked her what she would do with the fairy and she said, "I would ask her, How do you get into houses? " And then she would keep her for 5 more days.

O the joy. She is so much fun.

2011 in Review, Pictures

2012-01-02T13:40:00.000-06:00

Nothing special happened in January, so we'll skip it.

Here's February. O is keen on dental health.

March

O and her first bike. She's all ready to go for a ride. She ends up hating it for a couple of month.

O cuts her hair.

April

Gardening really means playing in the dirt for a 4 year old.

O graduated from NB preschool.

Easter dress. Ya, that hat lasted all of 5 minutes.

May

O discovered t-ball and wants to play in 2012. Here she is sharing oranges with her friend after his game.

We bought chicks.

10 years baby!!

3 weeks later, we gave the chicks away.

June

Swimming

O performing during the talent portion of our co-op preschool graduation.

I went to girls camp.

Yep, an oreo and fuzzball facial is the standard here in MD.

July

Baseball games

LT's gma passed away.

The 7 siblings were together for a couple of hours.

August

A trip to FL to visit LT

September

O batting down her birthday pinata.

Grandpa and Nana came for a visit. We took them to Annapolis.

And Lancaster. O is not quite so sure about the horse.

National Book Festival.

O and Angelina Ballerina.

October

O lost her first tooth.

My brother married the love of his life.

O and her fabulous preschool teachers on Halloween.

November

O playing in leaves.

BJ stopped by on his way to the White House.

(I have a post dedicated to BJ coming soon.)

December

Festival of Lights at the DC Temple. O managed to give me bunny ears in this picture.

Farewell 2011 and Happy New Year.

I can't wait to see what is in store for us in 2012.

2011 in Review, words

2012-01-02T13:23:00.000-06:00

2011 was a great year for our family. Amidst the chaos and peril in the world, our little family was blessed with peace and happiness.

Highlights
O lost 2 teeth
I had my first ever pedicure. Yep, I survived 36 years without ever having one. It was a bit torture and a bit fun.
LT went to a concert with me. Now, my friends, THAT is true love.
We celebrated 10 years of marriage. Wa-hoo!!!
I visited ID in October to celebrate my brothers wedding. I love seeing him happy.
We discovered Bowie Baysox Baseball theme nights. O and I ventured out for Star Wars, Super Hero and Navy night. Her favorite part is the fireworks and running the bases at the end of the game.
O and I visited LT when he was in FL in August.
Mr. Blanchard visited us during LT's birthday. There are a few things as satisfying as being with dear friends.
LT surprised me with a party for my birthday.
We experienced an earthquake and a few days later a hurricane.
O had a Star Wars themed birthday party.
My mum and dad visited for a week in September.

Accomplishments
O graduated from pre-school in April. It was more of a dress rehearsal though, because she really graduates in 2012.
I canned chicken. Actually, it is the first thing I have EVER canned. I plan to do more canning of fresh foods for our food storage. Watch out farmers markets, here in I come in 2012.
LT completed 2 grad level, intensive computer classes. He has 2 wall plaques to prove his utter geekyness.
We finally found a good spot for our kitchen table. (HUGE accomplishment. We've been here over a year and a half, it's about time.)
O overcame most of her concerns about water and became a fish. We had fun at the pool and beaches.
I passed the MD Jurisprudence exam and received my MD Massage license. I'm excited to be legal to do what I love.
I went to girls camp, LT went to scout camp and we both survived.

O completed 2 dance classes and wants MORE.

In 2012 we are looking forward to;

O and I are making a 3 week visit to ID to see my family, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. (LT will even join us for a portion of it)

LT has 2 more computer courses on his schedule.

O will really graduate from pre school this year and start Kindergarten in the fall. (I'm still not sure I'm ready for that.)

In the fall, I will either do massage part time or take a class. I'm exited for either one.

O Speaks

2011-12-15T09:15:00.000-06:00

I came into the bathroom to get O out of the tub,
M - Why is there water where there shouldn't be water?
O - Talk to Ariel, she will tell you.

At dinner one night.
O - You can't see me, pretend I'm miserable.

About Pres. Uchdorf.
O - He is one of the fossils.

I was taking care of a 4 month old one day. O wanted to help me change a dirty diaper and as soon as I opened it up, she grimaced and said. "Ew". I taught her the word "blow out" and later that day she told her daddy that A's diaper blew up. (not too far off)

Day 30

2011-12-05T21:27:00.001-06:00

Well, this post is the last in the series, even though it was one I started pondering how I wanted to talk about it in mid November. I am grateful for it and at the same time I despise it. I truly have a love/hate relationship with it.

Medicine.

I am grateful for the medicine that aborts my migraines. I hate that I need to use it so often. I'm a little bit, okay, a lot bit worried about the potential risks for taking it as often as I do. I mean, a stroke or a heart attack aren't really any better than a migraine. Neither is an aneurysm. And, yet, I rely on it only because everything else I've tried has failed.

I am grateful for medicine that saves lives and sustains quality of lives. I don't want to be misunderstood here. I think medicine is a miraculous tool.

I am grateful for medicine that helps with my anxiety/bi-polar disorder. Granted, what I deal with is incredibly mild compared to a majority of people I've met. (Usually in support groups.) I am very fortunate I don't have to deal with extreme symptoms. I am grateful for that. AND, I hate that I have to rely on it to manage my symptoms. A while ago, some natural disaster reminded me of my dependance. I was close to the end of my supply of meds and I realized that if I wasn't able to refill my prescription, for any reason, I would be screwed. I would probably end up crying all of the time and feeling anxious and overwhelmed. It would be a nightmare. It really freaked me out.

You all know, mental health awareness is a soap box of mine. I know a lot of people don't understand mental illness. Unless they have one, they truly struggle to get it. Medicine is great and it doesn't take away all of the symptoms. It makes them more manageable and easier to deal with. Medicine for mental illness has many undesirable side effects; weight gain, numbness, decreased libido, cloudy and sluggish thoughts, and sometimes, even an increase in symptoms, just to name a few. I remember when I committed to taking medicine, I knew it was a life sentence and I felt defeated. I hate it, and I am grateful that I have a much better quality of life.

So, there you have it. A month of gratitude.
"My cup runneth over."

Day 29

2011-12-05T21:18:00.001-06:00

Okay, so I've saved these last two posts for the last because I wanted to take the time to write something meaningful to me. Well, I got swept up in the holiday madness and my daughter decided her bedtime needs to be at 10:00. (Ya, I know, it's really annoying. Especially since she wakes up at the same time in the morning and is cranky all day. Oh, and if I go anywhere in the car in the afternoon she passes out and wants to stay up until 10:00 again. So frustrating, but I digress.)

My plan for this post was to write a little ditty about how much I love music. BUT, since I don't really write music, a ditty was out of the question. So then, I wanted to write a piece about how music reaches the deepest part of my soul, balances me and brings the world into focus for a moment. BUT, like I said before, I got caught up in the holiday madness and my daughter won't go to bed at a decent time, so I don't have much time to myself to write a meaningful piece about how much I love music. (How's that for redundancy?)

So, to steal a line from Jerry MaGuire, a movie I have never seen, but phrase I've heard for years, "You complete me" music.

There, wasn't that just beautiful. It doesn't do justice to how I feel when I am wrapped up in a brilliant composition of music, but it will do for now.

Haircut

2011-12-01T20:06:00.001-06:00

Okay, I know I still have a few more "I'm thankful for" posts to do to finish out November, but I HAD to post this.

Last night, I tried to cut LTs hair. It was a dismal failure. Well, tonight we had O "fix" it for him. She rocked the razor. Once we finished with him she wanted us to give her a haircut. A great big NO was our answer.

Enjoy the pictures

LT prepping the razor.

O excited for her first haircut.

Figuring it out

Such focus

Look at her steady her daddys head, so cute.

I have a feeling O is going to want to do this more often.

I really feel bad for messing up on his hair for a couple of reasons. I really like it longer and the buzz cut is cold for this time of year.

Day 28

2011-11-29T16:10:00.001-06:00

I am grateful for rainy days and hot chocolate.

Day 27

2011-11-29T16:06:00.001-06:00

I am grateful for a sense of humor. Life would be so boring and serious with out one.

Day 26

2011-11-29T16:05:00.001-06:00

I'm grateful for a neighbor who will text me to let me know I left my garage door open, again. We are blessed to live on a great street.

Day 25

2011-11-28T21:17:00.001-06:00

I am grateful that I had the chance to play many sports growing up. And, I am grateful I can share my love of sports with O. We went to a basketball game recently and during the game, she told me she wanted to be on a team and play basketball. Wa-hoo!!!!!!

Day 24

2011-11-28T21:16:00.001-06:00

I'm grateful for people who can talk politics without getting angry if you have a different opinion.

Day 23

2011-11-24T16:46:00.002-06:00

I'm grateful for all of the rich memories I have of family game time during the holidays. The Murphys are huge game players and I hope to teach O how to enjoy family game time. Right now, she's got Go Fish and Old Maid down. We'll work on Rummikub and Cribbage a little later :)

Day 22

2011-11-23T11:39:00.000-06:00

I am grateful for that great big piece of chocolate I had after lunch.

Day 21

2011-11-22T21:31:00.001-06:00

I am so grateful my husband has a job in this tough economy. I truly feel for those who are unemployed. We had to deal with that when we were first married. LT did construction and mowed lawns for about 6 months. It was very humbling and we are so very blessed.

Day 20

2011-11-21T22:13:00.002-06:00

I'm grateful for my talent for massage. O asked me for a back and butt massage. I don't know where she got the idea for a butt massage, but it made me grin. I'm so very grateful I can do something I love that helps other people feel better and in some cases, heal from chronic pain. I'm grateful I can use LT for my guinea pig to practice new stuff. I'm grateful my daughter shows interest in something I love. Grateful, grateful, grateful.

Day 19

2011-11-19T14:17:00.003-06:00

I'm so very, very grateful I know how to read. Life would be pretty difficult with out that ability.

Day 18

2011-11-19T14:13:00.002-06:00

I am immensely grateful for play dates. O gets to play to her hearts content and I get to clean the house, or sort the laundry, or pay bills. Just kidding, I get to do fun stuff too, like read a book.

Day 17

2011-11-18T12:17:00.002-06:00

I am grateful for Joy. I LOVE seeing other people happy. Truly, I do.

For example, I love watching the olympic athletes receive their medals. Some of them beam and others cry. I can only imagine the rush of emotions they feel at their sense of accomplishment. I love watching The Biggest Loser because I love seeing people learn about themselves, lose weight and change their lives.

I love watching O figure out something she's been working on. This past week she figured out how to skip. My heart smiles when I watch her. I can see how proud she is of her new found talent. I have that feeling a lot when it comes to her. She is truly a joy in my life.

Day 16

2011-11-17T21:17:00.002-06:00

I am grateful for "Once Upon A Time". We are having so much fun as a family watching it. O gets so excited she runs around the room when it's time to watch it. She has a bazillion questions and it is a great way to get her to behave.

What happens at night?

2011-11-17T08:43:00.002-06:00

O went to bed in pajamas last night, but this morning, she woke up in this dress.

Day 15

2011-11-16T12:03:00.003-06:00

I'm grateful for rock climbing. I really like to climb things.

Aw, look at that view.

I just can't get enough.

I've only been climbing once since I moved to MD and I didn't bring a camera to capture my cool moves.

Day 14

2011-11-13T20:48:00.004-06:00

I am grateful for adoption.

Nov. 14th marks the 3rd anniversary of O's adoption day. I am grateful for the selfless choice her birth mom made to allow us to be O's parents. Our lives have changed so dramatically, I can't really remember what we did with our time before we became parents.

I LOVE the longhorns hanging on the wall in the background.

Go Texas!!

I have very strong, and possibly even offensive to some, opinions about adoption. I wish more people would choose adoption over abortion. There are many, many wonderful people waiting for children to love. I can't think of a more precious gift you could give to another.

Day 13

2011-11-13T20:46:00.001-06:00

I am grateful for gum, especially on days when I had a lot of garlic the night before.

Day 12

2011-11-12T22:24:00.002-06:00

I'm grateful for bugs and animals that eat mosquitos. I think mosquitos totally suck.

Day 11

2011-11-12T20:09:00.002-06:00

I am deeply grateful for this wonderful nation and for the brave men and women who sacrificed to make it so.

Day 10

2011-11-11T10:03:00.006-06:00

I am grateful that I have been blessed to travel to many parts of the world and as a result I have an even greater appreciation for this great country in which I live.

I lived in Scotland and England for a year as a small child. I've visited Mexico, France, Thailand, Malaysia, Cambodia, Brazil, Argentina, the Bahamas and Germany. I'm not sure if a layover in Taiwan counts as a visit, but I'll put it on here anyway. (I have yet to make it to Canada, crazy, I know, because it's so close.) I still plan to visit Africa and Australia before I die. (LT has requested that I let you all know that HE has been to Africa and Canada :p

With my brother in Loch Ness, Scotland

With my dad in Can Cun, Mexico, 2000

(I love that fanny pack, it accentuates my geekyness)

Thailand, May 2006

Malaysia, May 2006

Cambodia, May 2006

Rio de Janero, Brazil, August 2006

Iguazu Falls from the Argentina side, August 2006

Nassau, Bahamas, May 2009

You can't go to the Bahamas and not hug a dolphin.

Another view in the Bahamas

Stuttgart, Germany, December 2009

The playground

2011-11-09T21:51:00.004-06:00

A typical day after NB pre school.

Running and screaming

Being brave.

Those monkey bars can be a bit intimidating. But, here she goes.

A ride down the slide.

Halloween 2011

2011-11-09T21:22:00.005-06:00

I'm only a couple of weeks late getting this up, but who cares.

We had a fantastic Halloween season this year. I think the last thing I have to report on is the day of Halloween. Well, the night before, O lost her second tooth. It was a perfectly gory way to start Halloween Eve. Blood.... ew.

In September when my parents were visiting, my mum bought O two princesses dresses. (Because she needed one for a friend when they play dress up.) Most of the month of October, O would say she was going to be a princess if someone asked her what she was going to be for Halloween. Well, a few days before her school party, LT influenced her to choose something else. He said, "Remember last year, when all of the other girls were princesses at school? You could dress up as a Jedi and then you'll be something different." Well, it worked. At her school party, she dressed up as a Jedi. I didn't know why until LT explained it to me later.

Here she is with some of her Princess friends.

Mom and daughter. I was the school bus that came to pick her up from school.

Here are 2 of the most wonderful teachers EVER!!!

That evening, O wanted to wear one of her princess dresses, without anything else on. I told her she had to wear pants and a t-shirt underneath it or she couldn't go outside. (It was cold. I'm such a mean mom, I know:) So, she put on her leopard costume and we set out to trick or treat. LT wanted to stay at home to pass out candy. We made the round on our street and then headed over to our friends neighborhood to see if we could find them. I was wearing a 2 foot inflatable skeleton head, so I was easy to find and my friend found us. We joined a small group of friends and wouldn't you know it, O's very best friend in the whole entire world, J, was in that group. They took off running from house to house. It was a blast so see them go into a frenzy. I don't think it could have been a better Halloween. And what else is cool is several people told me they really liked my hat. I'll try to get a picture of it soon.

Here she is, pre whiskers.

O, in action.

Lounging after a good night of trick or treating.

(Not the best of pictures, but I had a tough time getting a lot of good ones that night.)

I love that you can see her mouse shoes in this picture.

O funnies

2011-11-09T20:54:00.003-06:00

"Hey O, smile for the camera"

Saturday morning, I spent my time cleaning the house. Well, I cleaned a bunch of it and there was still a lot more to do, but I'd promised O we would go to the swimming pool on base. So, once it was time to head out I had to stop where I was to keep my word. Originally, I envisioned our family going together, but LT didn't want to go because he wasn't feeling well, so, it was a girls trip. I think LT felt a little guilty about bailing on us, so on our way out he asked me if there was any cleaning I wanted him to do while we were gone. I paused to think, but before I could even take a breath, O rattled off a list for him.

WHAT?!?!?

"Daddy, you can sweep the floor and then mop it." was basically what she said. LT and I grinned at each other. I didn't want to openly laugh because I didn't want her to think we were making fun of her. But what was funny, was, she was totally serious. Little Miss In Charge!!!

I added that he could clean the bathrooms and she said, "Ya, and clean the bathrooms."

*****

Another thing that makes me laugh has to do with the name of our property manager. His name is Norman, O calls him Mormon. It makes me grin every time she does.

M-"O, you can't swing on the stair rails from your jump rope because it will break it."

O-"And then Mormon will be mad?"

M-"Shoot, our toilet isn't working."

O-"Will Mormon have to come and fix it?"

*******

One day the Sister Missionaries had to drop something off at our house. They weren't sure which house was ours so they looked in our car. Sis E said, "As soon as I saw the red lipstick in the booster seat, we knew it was yours."

Yep, O is probably the only 5 year old who has a stash of lipstick in her car. She was also the only one in the entire primary who wore BRIGHT RED lipstick and dangly earrings during their sacrament presentation. She couldn't be missed.

And, just so you know, she is really good at putting it on all by herself too.

Day 9

2011-11-09T18:34:00.002-06:00

I am grateful for working cars. What a HUGE blessing.

I really don't like bicycles.

Day 8

2011-11-09T18:07:00.003-06:00

I am grateful for 4 seasons.

I've always enjoyed the changing of the seasons. It think there is a lot that is beautiful and poetic about shifting from one to the other. When I was in massage therapy school several of my courses focused on Traditional Chinese Medicine. In TCM the elements characteristics are evident in the seasons. In those classes I began to see the wisdom and beauty of the seasons and I became more aware of how I moved through each of them and how they effected me.

My favorites, in order are;

1. Spring - Birth, newness, beginnings, awakening, rapid growth.

2. Fall - Harvest, gathering in, slowing down, casting off.

3. Summer - Heat, passion, life, extrovert.

4. Winter - Stillness, looking inward, depth, replenishment, intrinsic, introvert.

The first time I lived away from a 4 season climate I was 31. I moved to TX and, I could tell a huge difference. I was stuck in limbo land. It was always summer. Fall and Spring didn't really happen, kind of. They may have been a week long each. Summer was HOT and the "winter" was like a mild summer day in ID. I survived 4 years of limbo and am now happily residing in a beautiful 4 season climate again.

Day 7

2011-11-07T20:02:00.000-06:00

I am very grateful for hot baths. Sigh.

Day 6

2011-11-07T08:37:00.002-06:00

I am especially grateful for this dude.

Day 5

2011-11-06T16:35:00.006-06:00

I have a great love for holy places and I have been blessed to have many of them throughout my life.

Girls Camp was a holy place for me as a teenager. I get that that sounds quite strange, but it was a place where I felt a profound sense of acceptance.

Hooray for Pocatello 6th Ward

Talk about going grungy. I'm not sure some of us used the showers at camp that week. There was a lake, who needed the shower, right?

Oakcrest was a holy place for me. I consider it my non-official church mission. I spent 2 summers in the sun making up skits, eating ashcakes, playing pranks and teaching the gospel of Christ. My understanding of how God loves and works with His children reached depths previously unknown to me. The holiness of those experiences have remained with me through the years.

The beloved Oakcrest sign at the 50 year reunion.

And, this, my friends, is what happens when you let campers do your hair.

Some of the counselors in '94. Why would any teenager take anything we said seriously? Just look at us?

Ah, my favorite activity at camp, Survival. Also affectionately referred to as Suicide. We always did this with another unit so there would be 2 counselors present. One at the top, strapping the girls in and one at the bottom, catching them before they slammed into the mattress. I always felt a little sorry for the poor little 12 year old at the bottom that volunteered to help catch. They, inevitably, got picked up and dragged along with the person on the harness. So, so funny to watch from up top.

One day I stepped out of the bathroom stall and was surprised by a group of my girls.

Don't cha just love that hair???

Duckie and M&M, the BEST FLOATERS EVER!!! I had such a great time with M&M during the week we didn't have girls. We were responsible for the weeks theme and party and skits. We were such goofballs. Also, check out those shoes, they were AWESOME!!!.

The holiest of places I love to visit is the temple. I received my endowments in Logan, UT, was married in Jordan River, UT and O was sealed to us in San Antonio, TX. Now I attend the Washington D.C. temple. I don't really mind which one I attend because the spirit is the same in all of them.

Yes, here we have the cheesy, breezy couple looking longingly at each other. The fuzzy around the edges filter makes me groan. Blech.

Wow, we were had no idea what we were getting in to and 10 years later we are convinced it was the greatest decision for the both of us.

I will remember this day forever. We waited over 2 years to have O sealed to us. It was a miracle of miracles how the timing of our schedules all worked out. LT was preparing for his deployment to Djibouti and was living back east. He was able to come home for Thanksgiving and we went to the temple the Wednesday before.

I think everyone needs a space where they can just be. And I think in the being, we can reflect and then become.

Day 4

2011-11-04T16:15:00.000-05:00

I am grateful for signs.

Day 3

2011-11-03T20:26:00.006-05:00

I have a profound love for my family, the family I came from, and the family I am creating. And I can not forget the family of friends that have filled in the gaps over the years.

My husband is my best friend, and I know this phrase is trite, but it is true. We fit together. We work well together, we are equally stubborn and strong so we can't really push each other around. We have the same core beliefs and values, we have similar desires. We really truly enjoy being with each other.

My daughter is the center of my universe. I am up to my ears in the world of "pre school" and "pretend". Secretly, well not so secretly now, I've always felt really anxious about being around little kids because I just don't understand how to communicate with them. Give me a teenager and I'm fine, but under 10, whoa, uncharted territory for me. O is teaching me more and more about the wonder of being a child. I love being in her world at times, it's a fun place. I am gaining a more meaningful understanding of what is it to be a mother and how my role affects the family. O, in many ways, is my mini-me. I honestly didn't think it was possible, but we are similar in more ways that I imagined. That's SO SCARY!!! The last time I was home I read through my baby book and some of my moms memoirs. Wow, it felt like I was reading the very things I would say I about O. The Lord really knows..... Do I dare say "the curse"?

I am grateful for the family I was raised in. My parents and brother have many great qualities I admire and aspire to develop. My experiences as a youth have shaped who I am today.

I am also grateful for the family in which LT was raised. His experiences growing up shaped his desires for the family we are working to create now.

I truly believe the family unit is the strongest unit of a society. It is a huge responsibility and privilege to raise the next generation. Many of the social ills of a society stem from the break down of families. I hope and work to create a family that is filled with peace and love.

My family at Christmas 2010 in ID

The Murphy family around 1993

The Hills, missing T and F

The Hills, T,F and L

The sweet angel that made me a mother.

My BFF from High School

Wow, what an incredible woman.

My YW leader S. I adored this woman.

Food!!

2011-11-02T20:18:00.003-05:00

I really, really like food. I'm grateful it helps to nourish and strengthen my body.

A month of Gratitude

2011-11-01T22:08:00.002-05:00

I am grateful for my faith in Christ and His teachings that direct my life. Over the years I have followed His teachings and I have disregarded them. And I have found that when I choose to do the simple things like, looking for the good in others, looking for opportunities for service, praying, reading the scriptures and seeking guidance from the Holy Spirit, I have a greater measure of peace. And, oh how sweet that peace is, especially in tumultuous times.

I'll be the first and loudest to admit that I am far from a perfect person and definitely not a saint . And I'll be the first to admit, that I am happy with who I am and I feel peace with who I am trying to become. In this world, I may be one voice drowned out in billions, but with God, I am heard. I am loved and I am encouraged.

Cookie Party!!!

2011-10-29T15:11:00.002-05:00

Tis the season for sugar cookies!!! We had some of Os friends over to decorate cookies today. It was very last minute. I had this idea in my head for weeks, but wasn't sure, until the last minute if we would be able to do it. We had a pretty good turn out.

The guests received 3 cookies each. They could eat one and the other two were to be taken home. I was surprised how conservative some of them were with the frosting. Hum, low sugar, that is so foreign to me.

I just love this holiday.

Some funnies

2011-10-28T13:19:00.002-05:00

Last night we were reading a Charlie Brown Valentine book with O. He was nervous to talk with the little red haired girl. O thought that was funny, but then she became somber and told us she was nervous to talk with Joseph. Oh, that little rascal.

We were making sugar cookies this morning and I was only using the pumpkin cookie cutter.

O, "Mom, why are you using the pumpkin?"

M, "Because I like pumpkins."

O, "How about you use the other ones."

M, "But, I don't want to, I like pumpkins."

O, "Here, use this ghost."

Hum, who is in charge here???

Yesterday was a big day for O. She took a shower ALL BY HERSELF, with supervision. She started out with goggles so the water wouldn't get in her eyes while she soaped up. Then the goggles came off and she "washed" her hair. She was so proud of herself and I have to admit, I was really proud of her too. Although, I'm not ready to have her do this every day, I am thrilled to see her grow in confidence with her abilities. The other half of this story, when I got in the shower, she not only hid my towel, but took ALL the towels out of the bathroom. Little stinker. I had to use the bath mat/towel until I found her. We have a lot of fun teasing each other.

One "toy" I despise is Play-Doh. Seriously, I can't stand the stuff. We don't buy it anymore so we haven't had it in our house for ages. Well, at school on Monday, they made play-doh and brought it home. I have to admit, O has been really enthralled with making things. Yesterday, I make Rapunzel and O cut her hair.

One of my favorite things about O is her love for others. Here she is with one of her favorite baby buddies, E.

A little bit of Halloween

2011-10-25T18:09:00.005-05:00

There is one holiday that we just don't get enough of and that is HALLOWEEN!! I'd be happy to celebrate it for 6 weeks, oh heck, why not 2 months. That way, I think I would be able to get all of the activities in that I want to do with this fun holiday.

We are huge fans of Halloween and we usually throw a big party. BUT, this year, we are scaling things down a bit and celebrating on a smaller scale. I will only make one batch of sugar cookies and jello jigglers. I only bought one bag of mixed candy for trick or treaters. And, I don't even have a costume picked out. Crazy, I know. We/I are trying to simplify our lives. (Once Christmas is over, I'll let you know how it worked out)

So, with that said, for our FHE on Monday we carved pumpkins and roasted the seeds. LT and I are a perfect match when it come to pumpkins, I want the seeds for roasting and he wants to do all of the carving. O was fearless and gutted the pumpkin with me. I love that she wants to do everything I do. We had fun with our slimy hands and, we discovered pumpkin slime is very slick when you get it wet.

O wanted to do some of the carving too and she's got LTs touch. I'm excited to see what her pumpkins will look like when she's old enough to wield the knife all by herself. She also enjoyed making a puzzle out of the pieces poked out of the pumpkin.

My favorite pumpkins are the two little vampire ones. They are the ones I did, but that really has nothing to do with them being my favorite.

The master at work.

Our pumpkin family. I'm excited to carve our final two, not pictured, on Sunday night.

Home Fries

2011-10-22T19:07:00.011-05:00

When it comes to this blog, I have good intentions and grand dreams of writing posts about our family that are fun to read, but the reality is, I just don't have the time I once did to capture it all. Life moves so quickly now, as soon as I'm done with one thing the next one has already started.

For example, my brothers wedding was last weekend. I had a fabulous time, and I had little snippets of stories to share, but since I didn't write most of them down, I don't remember them anymore. I returned home from my trip to ID and immediately started preparing for my trip to VA for Time Out For Women.

But, before I talk about that, I want to share the highlights of my time in ID and UT last weekend. Thursday, I boarded a plane, all by myself, (wow) and headed to SLC. The mountains gave me a welcomed embrace when we landed. Ah! Home. SLC was my home for a decade. We parted friends, me eager to see what else the world had in store. And every time I return, I feel at home again. (I'm so glad SLC's not jealous like that.) I drank in the familiar skyline as I drove in my dads swagger wagon up to ID.

I've had a love hate relationship with ID for years. I'm not sure we're on good terms until I get there. (ID is kind of moody like that.)

I met my new sister-in-law to be and my new nephews and niece to be. We had a family dinner and I told childhood stories about my brother. I'm not sure he appreciated his kids knowing he started our couch on fire. My mum was flabbergasted!! (Hey, at least I waited over 20 years to tell on him, right?)

Friday I spent time with a friend I've known since 1st grade. She recently became a massage therapist and I had a session with her. She is awesome and it was awesome to get reacquainted with her. Later, I met my BFF from high school at the mall. She had her 6 kids in tow and we looked for a simple wedding gift. She talked me into buying a 2 foot inflatable skeleton head/hat to wear at the wedding. (I used my better judgement and chose not to wear it, she'd say I chickened out.) I ended the day with a trip to Buddy's and went to bed with a belly full of salad and garlic bread. I LOVE Buddy's and at that point I was feeling a little better about ID.

Saturday afternoon I went on the coolest bike/Harley ride of my life. (Okay, not of my life, but at least in the past 10 years). I LOVE motorcycles. I got myself into trouble a time or two in college with guys on bikes. Skipping class for a ride? Are you kidding me? OF COURSE I'll go on the ride. I keep telling LT we need to get a motorcycle. He's not convinced. hum..... I wonder if I promise to go topless every time we ride, if that will work?

Also, the big news of Saturday was, my brother got married. It was the most original wedding I've ever attended and I was so glad I could make it. What made me grin from the inside out was seeing him truly happy with his wife. I just love seeing people in love. I'm excited for them to go forward together.

And, incase you didn't already know, I love my brother. He is the coolest guy EVER. I've always been a bit jealous of him because he is the smart one AND the funny one. (Now, LT is the smart one and I'm the funny one, but when I was growing up, I had competition for funny and believe me, Matt is a lot funnier than me.) He's great at making friends. On family vacations, with out fail, he would have a friend in an instant. He is also great at telling stories. It helps that he always embellishes, but that just makes if funnier. Matt, I love you and I'm thrilled for you and your new family.

You've got to admit, the baby in the spider web is pretty funny!!!

See the cow bones too?

By the end of the day Sunday ID and I were friends again. There truly is no place like the home where you grew up. I went to church and saw people who had loved, taught and nurtured me from an early age. The hugs, the familiar and knowing smiles, the love, it was just what a girl needed to be reminded of her first home.

Then Monday came and I was ready to see my family. On my drive to UT I remembered one of the reasons why I didn't really like ID all that much. Their radio stations suck!!! They were playing the same songs they played when I was in Jr High, over 20 years ago. ID really is in a time warp. Occasionally things get in and out of there and I'm just glad I'm one of the ones that made it out. Yep, that bipolar relationship with ID cropped up on the way out. Maybe it was happy I was leaving, or maybe it was sad, but didn't want to let me know. Either way, I shot out of there toward the promise of the airport in UT. That evening I stayed with some friends that are so dear to me. LT and I met them when we were newlyweds. We were in the same ward and we became fun friends with each other. It felt good to feel at "home" again in UT.

Tuesday I stepped off of the plane in MD and was embraced by my family and I was really home.

For a while now, I've been thinking a lot about what it is that is so satisfying about being around people who've known me as a teenager and in my 20's. And all I can come up with is they know me as a functional and capable person. They know my history. They know the fun Melissa that is a total goofball. They've seen some of my gifts and talents. 29 is when my anxiety really kicked in and they didn't see what it did. And, at least by my own perception, I've never been quite the same since. I feel far more flawed now as a 30 something that I did as a 20 something. I think parenting and anxiety have contributed to this feeling of being flawed. I swear, more often that not, I function with a brain on it's last circuit. I'm happy with their memories of who am I because I like them so much better than what I feel like I am now.

And that is how I left ID/UT, filled with a peaceful reminder that I am more than what I am at the current moment. I have been more and I will be more again.

A taste of what's to come

2011-10-15T20:43:00.004-05:00

Right now I'm in ID for my brothers wedding. Although there are many, many words for this story, all I have right now are pictures. I have so much joy seeing my brother as happy as he is. Life is good.

O lost a tooth!!!

2011-10-03T20:54:00.002-05:00

Yep, it's kind of a big deal.

We weren't expecting her to lose teeth until she was 6. She had a friend lose one last summer and since then she's been asking us when she would start losing teeth. We told her when she was 6. We thought it was a safe guess. Well, weeks ago, I noticed the alignment of her bottom teeth was shifting. I took a closer look and she had her permanent tooth coming in behind it.

SHARK TEETH!!!

LT and I were both shocked. Really shocked. We weren't ready for this, AT ALL. I feel like we've entered a phase of parenthood too quickly. When did she get old enough to lose teeth? As strange as this sounds, we were really dumbfounded. I know, I know, it's just a lost tooth. BUT that means she growing up. Like, really growing up.

She was a little freaked out at first and she wasn't sure what to make of it. She said, "But, I'm not 6". ha ha ha. Her baby tooth wasn't very wiggly and she didn't want to wiggle it. I wasn't too worried because we had a dentist appointment in a couple of weeks and I could have the Dr. look at it then. Well, last week was our appointment and he said when he saw her Monday, today, he would just pull it out since that side of her mouth would be numb. He wasn't sure it would come out very easily or quickly on it's own.

Well, lately O has been quite contrary and while preparing for our appointment this morning she was yelling and crying because she didn't want to brush her teeth and go to the dentist. She told me she wasn't going to lose her tooth until she was 6. Hum.... kiddo, that is MONTHS from now. Well, I didn't push it or worry about it. Once we got there, she was all for having her tooth pulled.

She's been happy about it all day. She couldn't wait to show her friends and teachers at pre school this afternoon. She even showed me how she was going to put her tooth under her pillow so the tooth fairy could find it. Then she showed me how she was going to lay down. In the process, she lost the tooth. Oops. We searched the bed and pillowcase and found it on the floor.

And there you have it, the story of O's first lost tooth.

Now, I just need to remember to put some coins under her pillow tonight.

RAIN!!!

2011-09-23T17:39:00.004-05:00

Hooray for rain! Folks, there is something you need to know about the Hills, and that is we LOVE rain.

Recently, we've had some soggy weeks here in MD and it wasn't until today that we had the "perfect rainstorm". What makes the "perfect rainstorm", you may ask? Well, you need a LOT of rain, no lightening, no wind and a nice warm temperature. All of the elements combined to make the "perfect rainstorm". We get one of two of these a year and when we can, we take advantage of them.

I picked O up from school and I had to ford a stream and wade through a small lake in the parking lot just to reach the door. On the drive home my wipers were on the "super fast" speed and I still had a tough time seeing out of the window. We were both giddy with excitement. We couldn't wait to get home because I told O it was the "perfect rainstorm".

We splashed, ran in the gutters, floated grass and leaves and sticks in the water. O brought out her tricycle and tried to make huge waves with her wheels. After 30 minutes we were soggy and happy.

It may not look very deep, but it was. By the time I got my camera out, the rain had died down.

Very happy girl

Weeeeee!!

So serious

Can you see her ring? So fun.

Going for a big splash.

Getting ready to jump.

The landing, you can see some of the splash. I was a bit slow in catching this one.

Happy rain girls

I felt so rejuvenated afterwards. There's just a special energy that comes with the "perfect rainstorm". There was this one in TX that I will never forget. I had arrived home from work and had about 20 minutes before it was time to pick up O from the babysitter. The rain had started falling on my drive home and by the time I got there it was a heavy downpour. I stood barefoot in my backyard and let it rain down on me. All of the worries and weight that I felt washed away. While roads were being washed out, cars were being swept away, businesses were being closed, I stood there as if I was in my shower. Lost to time. The warm TX rain pouring over my head, running down my spine, spilling over my waistband, and water flowing over my ankles was a birth of some sort. I'll never forget it. It's one of those moments in life you hope everyone gets to experience because it is so profound.

Finally 5

2011-09-16T13:02:00.006-05:00

(Warning, this post is a bit scattered)

I can't believe it, O is finally 5!!!

O has been planning her 5 year old birthday party since the day after she turned 4. If one thing can be said about this little girl, it is, she loves parties. We had a really fun time planning her Star Wars themed party this year. We made invitations that required her to write, color and use lots of glitter.

(Glitter makes me giggle. A friend of mine refers to it as the herpes of the craft world, but I really don't mind it. True, it gets everywhere and it takes forever for it to be truly cleaned up. But there is just something so cheery about it and I'll take it any day over playdoh. )

She wanted to deliver the invitations to her friends all by herself, because she is getting older. So, once I could see the front door, I hung back or stayed in the car and watched. She was so proud of herself and so was I. I loved seeing her grin from ear to ear and giving me a double thumbs up.

O had a week of birthday celebrations. Her daddy came home from FL the day before she turned 5 and we went to a Baysox game. On Sunday, we celebrated her birthday as a family and she opened her really cool Star Wars and princess toys. Wednesday, the first day of NB pre school, they celebrated her birthday. On Thursday her Nana and Grandpa came into town and on Saturday was her long awaited party.

O wanted a pinata, so she helped daddy make one. LT did an awesome job on it.

Here is the star of the day all dressed up in her Jedi garb. There was an

unfortunate incident during lunch that required a wardrobe change.

Checking out the hair. I was relieved it received Jedi approval.

The Star Wars cake.

I had tried to make black icing earlier on in the week and it failed, so we went with pink.

Luke and Vadar didn't mind, and most importantly, neither did O.

It was a huge brownie and not a cake.

We bombed Darth Vadar with water balloons.

O in action.

And for something completely unrelated, I love her mouse shoes.

Trying to knock the tie fighter out of the sky.

O received this poster as one of her gifts. We had to put it up right away

AND she wanted Judy, her doll, in the picture.

Dear O,

Here is a list of some of my favorite things I love about you.

*Laughter has always been your first emotion. You are always ready with a smile and a laugh.

* I love your fake laugh, and I love even more that you actually have a fake laugh.

*You are very kind and concerned about others. Miss Krista told me that just the other day.

*You are very good with babies.

*I love your sense of humor and I love that you can tease your parents back.

*You are really keen on who is connected to whom and how. For example, when you talk about me to Nana, you don't always say "mommy", you'll say, "your daughter." And you put together the connections of cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. Your little brain is always thinking about connections.

* You are an oldest and only child to a tee. (Read the Birth Order book and you'll understand)

* I love that you worked so hard at learning to swim this year. You went from being afraid to get into the water to jumping in all by yourself.

* I love that you did something that was scary and hard for you. You climbed all the way up and down the spiral stairs at the Pensacola lighthouse. I was so proud of you for doing it.

* I love that you are a talker.

* I love that you like to sing and dance.

* I love that you ask lots of questions.

* You are a good listener.

* I love that you tell me you are allergic to anything you don't want to eat or do, it makes me grin. Yesterday, you even when so far as to cough to make your point. "I'm allergic to quiche" cough cough.

*I love your deep belly laugh. I know you are truly enjoying yourself when I hear you bust that out.

Travel log and evidence.

2011-08-26T13:56:00.008-05:00

There is no place I'd rather be than with family. Last week O and I visited LT in Pensacola, FL. He's been there for a couple of weeks and will be for a few more before he returns. It was a mini vacation for us. LT didn't study all weekend and we had family time. It always amazes me how much more enjoyable time together outside the home is compared to when we just stay home. At home, we get distracted by all of our projects and we end up doing our own things instead of focusing on making memories with O. (She's going to be 5 in less than 2 weeks. I can hardly believe it.) She is in a stage where it is a lot of fun to hang out with her. We tease each other non stop. I LOVE that she's a teaser, she fits right in with us. Anyway, I plan to dedicate an entire post about her on her BIG birthday.

Back to the story at hand, we were in Pensacola for 6 days. The "funny" thing about this trip is I got a ridiculously good deal on flights to Panama City, FL. So, I flew into there. But it turns out the drive is 2.5 hours to Pensacola. Oops. I guess just looking on a map and guessing the distance is a poor substitute for actually looking it up. No worries though. O was a fabulous little traveler. It helped to have our portable DVD player and it helped that we had 2 flights to break things up a bit.

The Friday we were there LT had class so us girls went out to explore on our own. The first stop was at the Pensacola Lighthouse. It's a haunted lighthouse and has been featured on "Ghost Hunters". I think that's pretty cool. It is 177 stairs to the top of the lighthouse and we made the climb. O was such a trooper, the higher we got on the stairs, the more nervous she became. The walk down was even worse for her. When you look at the picture, you can understand why. The spiral stairs are pretty tight and they are see through. I was so proud of her for making it up and down. I told her she did something hard that she was afraid of and she made it. And the next time she has something scary and hard to do, she can think about the stairs and remember that she's done hard things before. I think it was a cool experience for her. She beamed at her success. Who would have thought the lighthouse would provide a little teaching moment like that.

After the lighthouse, we headed over to the Naval Air Museum. Yay. I'd been there before and I knew they had a play place. I wanted to let her run since she'd been cooped up traveling the day before. That evening we went to a movie on the lawn in downtown Pensacola. The weather was perfect, the venue was perfect and the movie "Rio" was a lot of fun.

Saturday, we hit the Pensacola Beach and had a great time. The water was clear enough to snorkel!! We saw tons o' fish and caught crabs. O was a little freaked out that there were fish by her feet.

I learned the painful lesson that water resistant and waterproof are two entirely different types of protection when it comes to sunscreen. OUCH!!! I do have a lot of freckles to prove that I spent time at the beach. I don't think I've been this freckled for over a decade.

On a side note: I've been seriously spoiled with my recent beach experiences. I don't think there are better beaches than in Can Cun, Mexico, Phuket, Thailand and Nassau, Bahamas. I've heard others complain about east coast beaches and now I understand why. There is a huge difference between east coast, west coast and the gulf beaches. We went to a beach in Delaware the week before we left for FL. There was a lot of turbidity in the water and you couldn't see your feet. I've heard that is how most beaches are out here. Boo!

Since this post is getting long and many of you may be dozing of by now, I'll wrap it up with highlights.

After the beach, we had lunch at McGuires. The uniqueness of McGuires is in their decor. There are over 1 million dollar bills stapled and hanging in the restaurant. We signed our names and left one too.

We teased O about what she wanted on her birthday cake. She had told me she wants the Millennium Falcon and we pretended we couldn't remember the name. "Was it the Century Eagle? Or the Millennium Ferret?"

Sunday we went to church at the military branch on base. They have Krispy Kreme doughnuts every week. O was delighted that after sacrament we ate doughnuts. Afterwards, we went to lunch at the senior missionaries place with the rest of the branch members. I love that anywhere you go, you have a "home" with church members.

During Sunday School, O was coloring with the other little girl at the branch. They sang disney princess songs, loudly. I'm sure it was a distraction to others and we told them to sing quietly, but secretly, I loved it.

Sunday night, we enjoyed a stroll on the beach. We watched jellyfish wash up on the sand. We watched big crabs in the water and watched sand crabs scurry into their little holes. We even captured one. As strange at this sounds, crab eyes make me laugh and they creep me out at the same time.

Monday my room key didn't work, so once we left the room, we were out for the day. We went back to the Naval Air Museum and I let O play at the play place for about 2 hours. There was another mom there who was killing time just like me. O played with her 2 kids the entire time. When it was time to go and O said goodbye to them, the boy hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. I thought that was sweet, but she sure didn't. She folded her arms and gave me her grumpy face. She said, "He got his germs all over me. He kissed me like a married person." I tried not to laugh.

Once LT got home we piled into the car for our drive to Panama City. We played games and had FHE. We taught O "I spy, with my little eye" and she really got into it. She did a great job on the long drive. A whole new world has opened up for us, people. We may be able to do some road trips now that O is older.

We checked into our hotel and watched "American Ninja Warrior". Loved it!!

At 4 o'crap in the morning we headed to the airport, kissed LT good bye and made it home in time for the GREAT EAST COAST EARTHQUAKE OF 2011!!!

Now we are hunkering down for the hurricane.

The haunted Pensacola lighthouse.

Looking up from the bottom.

O checking out the climb. No flip flops were allowed, so she went barefoot.

Looking down.

At the top. It was a VERY humid day so we look especially sweaty after our climb.

O wanted to go down as soon as we were up there. She wasn't happy I wanted to take pictures and you can tell by her expressions. Here is her fake smile.

Looking into the light.

View of the beach.

Self explanatory

NAM on Monday. We took turns being in both seats. My favorite question from O. "Are you ready to BAM it?" I thought she said dammit, but before I could say anything, she started with, "bam, bam, bam." That's how she fires guns.

A walk on the beach with daddy.

Our attempt at a family photo.

The end.

Highlights from July

2011-08-12T21:57:00.005-05:00

Here is July in a nutshell.

For the 4th of July I headed to Annapolis in the morning to check out the old school revelers. I knew the secret password, so I didn't get shot. They are a grizzly pair of soldiers, aren't they?

I love that this guy is checking his cell phone. He, obviously, represents the very progressive colonists.

In the afternoon we went to a party on base, where ran into some friends from our ward. O was thrilled since S is one of her BFFs. Aren't they just cute little bugs, holding hands n' all.

In the evening we went to the W house to blow things up and roast a few marshmallows. O had to change after her escapade with the fire hoses on base. I LOVE those pants and so does she. They are so loud, just like her.

In the middle of the month, LTs gma passed away so he headed to CA to celebrate her life. The poor guy had, I think, a 3 hour flight delay so he arrived in CA really late and hardly had anytime to sleep. Then he only had a couple of hours to see family before he had to head back to MD. He had a training that started the next day and it had cost a bazillion dollars, so he couldn't miss it without being in LOTS of trouble.

Side Note:

LT requested I remove this part... sigh!

We'd been planning, as a family, to attend Super Hero night at the Baysox baseball game. We even had superman shirts for the occasion. However, the weekend of the game was the same weekend LT went to CA. We missed him, but the girls went to the game without him. We had a great time with two of our other favorite families. Here is O with her latest favorite buddy L. The other pic is of the W family. What a bunch of goofballs.

Other happenings in July that were not photographed included a Princess Dance Camp for O. I would like to get her into dance soon. She LOVES it and she is the stinking cutest kid on the entire stage. Then again, I'm totally biased.

I got to go rock climbing with K. AHHHHHH, man, it felt good to put on my harness and pull some plastic at the gym. K is a beautiful climber and amazing to watch. I wish I had pictures to share.

LT celebrated his birthday, but then again, if you frequent my blog, you already knew that.

O and I toured a recycling center with our weekly field trip friends. I think her highlight was riding in her buddy L's car for a while.

I started acupuncture for migraine abatement. I'm optimistic.

O went to the dentist. 4 cavities! Drat, all due to lack of flossing. Never underestimate the power of floss my friends.

I took my MD Jurisprudence exam and passed!!

LT and I went on 4 dates!!! Wooo-hoo. That's a record for us. Then again, we were trying to cram in as many as we could before he took off.

O had her hearing checked. All clear!

So, there you have it, July in a nutshell. Well, a large nutshell.

National Night Out!!

2011-08-02T21:33:00.004-05:00

How do you make a 4 year olds wildest dreams come true??? Give her a snow cone AND cotton candy!!

We went to National Night Out on base this evening to check out the sights, take in a bouncy house or two and watch a demonstration of a swat team. The highlight for me was seeing O in sugary delight at the end of the evening. Her snow cone started to leak and it ran down her chin, her arm, and her chest. She was a sticky mess. It was so much fun. Notice the clean shirt in the picture below and the sticky shirt in the picture above.

Where's Olivia?

The swat team. O said this was her favorite part. Go figure

I get this look, oh, a bazillion times a day. "Show me your grumpy face."

Happy Birthday Smarty Pants

2011-07-24T20:53:00.005-05:00

There are many things I love about LT. Here are just a few.

He knows how to have fun!

He's nice to chicks.

He has a fun sense of humor.

He looks great with a mustache.

He likes being outdoors.

He does a great Gomez Adams.

He's a geek who likes to solve puzzles.

He really knows how to sweep a girl off her feet.

He's a good daddy.

He looks hot in his sunglasses!

He likes to make things grow.

He wears a pink tie.

He serves his country.

He makes silly faces when pictures are being taken.

2011

AND.....

He wore the same shirt this year that he did last year for his Birthday.

2010

Thoughtful

2011-07-22T21:30:00.003-05:00

I'm holding out for good news.

These past two weeks have been so very heavy. People we love are carrying heavy loads and because we love them, we share some of that weight.

Relationships are crumbling all around us.

Some of our friends from when we were newlyweds are getting a divorce. We've watched them have 3 children and now, they will have to work out the dance of custody and state lines. LT and I were in shock for days when we found out. "Those guys? But, they were so rock solid. How did it happen?"

We hugged.

Another friend confided in me her marriage is not going so well. She'd be happy to stay or go.

My heart sank.

I'm involved with another set of friends while they sort out their relationship. The emails, phone calls and personal encounters are heavy. They are good people, maybe just not good together.

AND, on the other side of the crumbling relationships is a story of a friend who is so dear to me. The relationship with her husband is fine, and, he may have cancer, for the third time. The last I heard she was in a waiting room, waiting.

In the middle of all of the shifts going on around me, I am so grateful I can crawl into the shelter of my relationship with LT and grieve for my friends, in safety.

Folk Life

2011-07-08T17:48:00.004-05:00

I love living in Maryland. I love that I don't feel like I'm in a BIG CITY. I love that I see fields and farms around. AND I love that I can hop on the metro and in less than an hour, be in DC to attend the Smithsonian Folklife Festival.

I'm such a culture, folklife geek. I think my parents did a good job of exposing me to other cultures and the arts. In Pocatello, it's not very easy to do. I mean, c'mon, it's Idaho. It's not known for it's cultural diversity. It's known for potatoes and for the Neo Nazis in the panhandle. (Who, I might add, don't appreciate cultural diversity). My point is, if you wanted to learn about other cultures and countries, you had to make an effort. You had to travel to a larger city with museums or something.

I remember going to the Greek festival one year. The food was awesome.

Anyway, the first year we lived in Texas, I dragged LT to the Texas Folklife Festival to see the dancing and taste the foods. At the time, I was preparing to travel to Brazil with Clog America and I wanted to get a taste of what I was in for on my trip. I loved it!!

Now that O is old enough, I can introduce HER to the coolness of folklife festivals.

So, today, we ventured out of our little world in Odenton and explored other cultures.

It started out pretty hot and poor O was melting and grumpy. Fortunately for us, a storm was on it's way to the Mall and the cool air blowing in made it more comfortable as time went on. Upon our arrival we caught the tail end of a performance of clowns in the Columbian area. That seemed to be our luck for the day. We caught the tail end of almost everything. We made it to the last dance in a rhythm and blues dance workshop. We ran to another tent and made it to the end of a dance in the Columbian section.

I really, REALLY wanted to dance, so we went to our final tent of the day and made it in time for some good dancing. The performance was cut short because the storm had arrived and everyone had to get out of the tents and off of the Mall. It turns out the Mall + Tents = Lightening Alley.

(I'm so glad O was with me because getting out on the dance floor is something LT would NEVER do. Well, he did dance with me once, when we were dating. Anyway, O loves to dance so we had fun with all of the other people on the floor).

It was okay, by then, we were both ready to head home. We ran through the rain to the Metro and sloshed onto the train. When we hit New Carrolton the storm was in a fine fury. We ate popcorn and waited inside for a break in the weather. We'd parked a bit of a walk away so we got kind of wet on our trip. Once we got in the car, the rain picked up again. We drove through a torrential downpour and pulled into our driveway at the tail end of the storm. A perfect way to end our "tail end of luck" day.

On the metro headed to our adventure.

O painted a square on a world map that the Peace Corps will use in one of it's international "classrooms". The volunteer congratulated O on being an official Smithsonian Cartographer.

O gave me the, "are you seriously taking another picture" look.

Proof that we were there.

O looks so tall in this picture. Wow!

I had to bribe O with ice cream to get her to pose with this lady from Kenya.

The beadwork on her head and neck were stunning.

The picture does NOT do it justice.

I also like that you can see Os razzle dazzle shoes in this picture.

O showing off her red tongue.

I had to document the joy of

being easily pleased by the color of your own tongue.

Just another dose of Star Wars

2011-07-02T08:57:00.004-05:00

Hightlights from Star Wars night at the Baysox game.

O met R2D2.

O met Princess Leia

While O was hanging out with R2, I chatted with a friend of the Jedi Knights. After one of their battles between innings two knights came over to our seats to meet O.

Can you guess what she did? Do you think she got all wide eyed and giddy? Do you think she talked and talked their ears off?

Nope!!! She buried her head in my arm and was shy. SHY???

Just so you know, the ENTIRE ride to the stadium, O went on and on about all of the Star Wars characters.

O and J got to "run the bases" at the end of the game.

The fireworks were pretty cool. O said they kept popping her eyes out and she had to put them back in several times.

Our friends at the game.

Tinkerdad

2011-06-14T20:44:00.002-05:00

O is kind of hard on her toys. Well, let's just say, she plays with them quite vigorously. LT has fixed so many things; the cars, hinges on doors, chairs, appliances, toys. O really isn't all that bothered when things break anymore. She just says, "Dad will fix it." She also thinks it's pretty cool that dad is a tinker, just like Tinkerbell.

What is the coolest thing about having a dad that is a tinker?

He can fix Tinkerbells shoe

I also think it is very cool to have a husband that is a tinker. I can't tell you how many hundreds or thousands of dollars we have saved over the years simply because he can do a lot of things on his own. Install a garage door opener?? No big deal. Assemble a shed, replace spark plugs and distributor on a car, install a bedroom fan, add crown moulding, set up a grey water system, rewire a portion of a house, secure our network and set up a server on a virtual machine? (Just to name a few) Got it covered.

On another note,

it turns out our caterpillar is currently unavailable.

It's chrysalis - ing.

(I'm just glad it's not dead. That would have been tragic.)

A lotta Pinata

2011-06-10T21:23:00.005-05:00

I just love parties and I love parties with pinatas. This is the first party I recall O attending with a pinata. W celebrated her 6th birthday in style.

Here's the girl giving me some sass.

It looks like she's showing off the lip gloss in her pocket.

There we go, a nice big, melt your heart

and make me want to give her anything smile.

"The Balloon Lady" was there to create almost every request put forth. A crown, an octopus, a fishing rod with a fish, a person, a cobra, to name a few.

O wanted a bunny.

"Take a whack at Weezer"

What movie?

On our way home I saw this massive neon green thing crawling on the road. So, of course, I had to pull over and show O. And, of course, she wanted to bring it home. So, we did. I hope it survives the love and attention O shows it. (Actually, I checked it a few minutes ago and either it is preparing to make it's chrysalis or it's dead. I sure hope, for O's sake, it's only sleeping.)

The last time we drove on the very same road, we encountered a turtle crossing the road. We pulled over to see it. Fortunately, the "taking it home" conversation didn't come up. I think LT would start to worry about letting me out of the house for fear of us bringing home another "pet". In fact, tonight, before he came home, O told him we had a surprise for him. We had a pet. He hesitated before he offered an unenthusiastic answer. However, once he found out it was a caterpillar, he was totally cool with it.

And for something completely unrelated, here are some funny stories about O.

I think she doesn't quite understand what "question" means. Today, she interrupted someone and urgently said. "Hey, hey, I have a question". "Yes" my friend replied. "I had some chicks and I had to give them away". Silence.... "Oh".

I know I've mentioned before that O is planning her birthday party. She has quite a long list of people she wants to invite and she's wasting no time issuing her invitations. At preschool on Tuesday she invited everyone to her birthday party. She told them there is going to be a pool and they needed to be careful where they stepped because our house is a mess.

Now, to explain her messy house comment. You can see the evidence of our messy house. When I see what she's done, I say things like, "Oh my gosh, this is such a mess, we need to clean it up." and "This is so messy". I'm trying to make her aware of her environment and teach her to put things away. Perhaps I need to change my wording.

Just a few things that make me smile

2011-06-09T16:43:00.003-05:00

Our tiger lilies are blooming. I'm so happy to have something beautiful in our front yard. O is dying to pick one and bring it inside. I think before long, we will make a pretty bouquet and give them to a friend. I just love fresh flowers.

The other week, I went to one of the best girls nights I've been to in a long time. The friend who hosted it had recently moved to MD from living in Spain. She fed us traditional spanish cuisine and decorated her home in the national colors of Spain. We were given a quiz about Spain and thanks to the Murphy in me, I won this gorgeous picture. My friend, just "painted it the night before". Wow, I love the colors and the shapes and the shadows. Art doesn't usually catch my eye, but when she showed us the prizes up for grabs, this is the one that called out to me. Doesn't it just make you smile too?

Gift cards make me smile.

I bought a new camera. It's refurbished. Although most refurbished things are just fine, I felt some reservation with purchasing this camera. Then again, I was nervous buying my bose sounddock for the same reason and so far, nothing is off with that. You just can't beat the price of a refurbished product though.

Speaking of my sound dock. I love the remote. It makes me smile to skip songs and blast the volume on my favorite ones, all without moving from my desk. I know, it's a remote, right? So simple. I just love it.

The thought of a mute button on my "remote" for O. I know that will never happen, but the thought of it makes me smile.

The cassette adapter for my ipod in the car. It's a whole new world. For years I've been using an FM transmitter and the sound is very poor quality. Wow, I feel like I'm living in a new century. I'm getting closer and closer to my music nirvana.

O in the swimming pool. She has a crush on her teacher. I like it when she acts shy in her extroverted fashion.

LT has been home and available a lot more in the evenings. It's been nice having him around.

Summer is officially here!!

2011-06-04T09:17:00.002-05:00

Our pool opened this past weekend. I know Michael Jordan would say it isn't officially summer until you cook the ball park hot dogs, but I don't really care that he is a super star and the greatest basketball player of all time. I've decided, it's officially here, because our pool is open.

I'm so glad we've had O in swimming lessons because she was more than ready to explore the water this go around. Last year, she couldn't wait to get in the water and use her goggles. As soon as she put her head underwater to look around, she inhaled an entire gallon of water. Not such a good experience for the little gal, so our pool days were over.

Well, this year, with the aid of swimming lessons, she is far more confident in the water and I am a lot less nervous. I'm excited to have a comfortable way to wear her out during the hot summer days. This kid needs all of the running/swimming around she can get.

Daddy and daughter enjoying the pool. Just look at those grins.

These days, when I ask O to smile, she does this.

You can kind of see a smile curling around her lips.

Finally, a smile.

Showing us she can do it on her own!! What a big girl.

The dangers of working

2011-05-27T06:52:00.004-05:00

This is what happens when I try to get some work done or study and let O entertain herself for a while.

Yep, there is a price and this is the price I pay.

And for a closer look

This is her playroom. She likes to dump things out and move furniture around.

(The ladder is in there because we were moving storage bins above her closet. It's not a usual fixture in her playroom. No need to call CPS or anything.)

Time to say goodbye

2011-05-27T06:26:00.003-05:00

In a few short weeks, they went from this

to this.

(You can see some of their adult feathers.)

And then we said goodbye.

I would say that time flew by, but that sounds a little too much like a bad pun. However, the truth is, it did go by very quickly. We were sad to see them go, but it was time for them to move on to "greener pastures". O knew from the beginning that we would only have them for a little while because when they got bigger, they would have to move in with someone who could let them play outside. She was really cool about the whole thing. When we were saying goodbye, O told C, "They're a little nervous about their new home". The following morning she came in my room to snuggle and the first comment out of her mouth was about the chicks. One thing she asked was, "Do you think they miss us"?

LT and I both enjoyed watching her with a "pet". One day, we may break down and get her a dog, an OUTSIDE dog. However, that is still YEARS way.

10 years!! Already?

2011-05-26T20:53:00.008-05:00

So, LT and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary this year. I feel like we've been together forever. In fact, I have no recollection of our first 3 anniversaries. Neither of us do. But, this is how we celebrated our other anniversaries.

4th - LT had the stomach flu, we cancelled our dinner date.

5th - LT was on a carrier near S. America. I was getting Scuba Certified in Thailand.

6th - LT had been tasked to organize a retirement party for work. It took ALL of his free time for weeks. He had a mandatory dinner with his co-workers the night of our anniversary, so he wasn't around. I was pretty put out. He was nice enough to bring something home for me. He was at a mexican restaurant and he asked the waiter for something really good. What he brought home looked like a deep fried heart. I kid you not, it was the shape of a heart and it was covered with batter. I still refer to it as the "anniversary autopsy". I carefully cut into the outer covering and removed the batter. It ended up being a deep fried, stuffed green pepper. At the time, I didn't eat green peppers, so it was kind of a dud.

7th - LT was on a submarine. I went to Sea World with O.

8th - LT was in Djibouti. I went to Nassau, Bahamas.

9th - We had just moved to MD and had only been reunited for 3 months. We were still getting used to each other again and neither of us recall if we went on a date.

10th - WE SPENT IT TOGETHER!!!! It was one of the first anniversaries we've really celebrated in a long time. A great friend offered to take O overnight and we spent the day in DC.

I reserved a little bed and breakfast on www.hostelworld.com. I still laugh when I think about it.

We explored some of the touristy sights.

Walked A LOT.

Ate at a dive of a restaurant, and the food was exceptional.

Got a parking ticket. (It was issued at 6:33. I still don't think we should have paid it).

Watched two episodes of Bones, our favorite show, and were out by 10:30. (Our bed was what I call a taco bed. It kind of folded up around us and rolled us into the middle.)

O had the time of her life at her sleep over. Thanks again M for your generous gift to us.

I know this would be a good place to put all sorts of mushy, lovey comments about LT, but I'm just not a cheesy kind of girl. What I will say is that we are perfectly matched and I feel like one lucky woman. I love my man and I love how he loves me. He knows me better than I know myself at times. I had no idea marriage could be so good. I had no idea a relationship could be so good, and I look forward to the next 10 or bazillion years together.

Recap

2011-05-22T08:33:00.005-05:00

Sunday
We were pretty much lazy bums all day. O woke up at 11:00 p.m. and didn't go back to sleep until 3:00 a.m.

Monday
I had planned to go to the "Food and Farming Freedom" Rally in DC with a friend, but I cancelled. O and I were pretty out of sorts from being up. My friend said she had a great time at the rally. Here is an excerpt from her blog. (It's private, otherwise I'd send you over there).

"Recently, Pennsylvania Amish farmer Dan Allgyer was the victim of an undercover sting and armed raid by FDA agents. He is now facing legal action for providing raw (unpasteurized) milk to Maryland residents. Raw milk sales are illegal in Maryland, so the only way to obtain it is to go to a legal state (Pennsylvania being one of them). "Grass Fed On The Hill" is a buying club made up of Maryland consumers who sign contracts and pay Dan for his labor and for the upkeep of the farm, and then he ships his farm products to local drop sites. The FDA is involved because they claim that this constitutes interstate commerce, and that interstate sales of raw milk are illegal. Their official stance is that raw milk is dangerous and should not be consumed under any circumstance."

I'm a fan of raw milk, I don't think there is anything wrong with it. LT can drink it without any ill side effects and that is a big deal to me.

What bothers me the most about this issue is, it is a waste of time and resources. C'mon people, it's milk. MILK!!!. It is not dangerous, it is far better than other substances and fake foods the FDA approves. I know the guise is interstate commerce, but really, the issue is the FDA doesn't want raw milk to be sold. I just don't understand why is it such a big deal. I feel I should have the right to consume foods that are healthy. There is a lot more I could say about this topic. In fact, one day, health and food will get it's own post.

Tuesday
O was up again from 11:00 til ? It was a long night.
Preschool. Playdate. RS night.

Wednesday
O just isn't sleeping.
Swimming!!!! O put her head under the water. Wa-hoo!!! She is getting braver and braver.

Thursday
O came into our room at 2:30 a.m. and said "I hate sleep". Oh dear.
Preschool. Shopping. Girls Camp meeting. (I'm getting really excited. How is it that where ever I move, I end up involved in YW one way or another? I love it and I'm happy to be involved.)

Friday
Gym. Treadmill. Yoga.
It kicked my bootie and I loved every minute of it. I didn't make it to standing for Bird of Paradise, but one day I will. I sure paid the price for a hard workout. I was kind of useless for the rest of the day.
We took the "girls" to a friends house and let them play in the garden. They were in little chicky heaven. (I call our chicks the "girls" so my nosy neighbor won't hear me say "chicks". ) I know the time is shortly coming when we will have to give them to someone else to can take care of them. It will be a sad day.
Swimming! O put her head underwater several times.

Saturday
O came into our room at 4:00 a.m. I laid down to snuggle with her and she was freezing cold. Poor kid. I think one of the reasons why she hasn't been sleeping well is she is getting cold in the middle of the night. Her little heater fan, that is 10 years old, quit working. LT took it apart and fixed it. I love having a handy man.
Yard Sale - O was really funny about the whole thing. At first she wasn't too keen on getting rid of some of her stuff. I had to explain we needed to pass on our stuff to make room for new stuff. I made a deal with her that with the money we made from the sale, we would buy a movie like Tangled or Gnomeo and Juliet. She was fine after that.
Work Party - O complained all day about having to go to daddys work party. She didn't want to go. However, once she was there, she changed her mind. After her hot dog, she had cookies, cake and ice cream. LOTS of cookies, cake and ice cream. She was in dessert heaven and didn't want to come home.

Today
O slept until 6:00 a.m. THANK GOODNESS.

On the Nightstand
The Path of Daggers by Robert Jordan

Man oh man, Perrins story line gets SO BORING at this point. Is it just me? I can't stand his wife and their relationship. Give me more of Matt or the other girls. Seriously Mr. Jordan, I think this is where you start to lose more of your readers.

State of MD Jurisprudence Exam

In MD, why can't massage therapists practice energy work (Reiki or Polarity Therapy)? I wonder if this includes acupressure and shiatsu? The agency that regulates massage therapists in MD is called the Maryland Department of Health & Mental Hygiene. What exactly is "mental hygiene"?

My calendar Melissa Hill

Yep, I have to look at it a time or two a day to remind myself of my commitments.

This and That

I've had to take Imitrex 10 times already and I'm only allowed 9 pills a month. I don't think my preventative medicine is working any more. Can I just trade my vascular system in for a new one?

O ate a cherry tomato. I thought it would open up a whole new world for her. She spit it out. I can't blame her. I still struggle with tomatoes.

I cooked broccoli this week and totally ruined it.

Mindy Gledhill

2011-05-16T14:07:00.003-05:00

LOVE this song.

Ping Pong

2011-05-15T09:00:00.003-05:00

How do you entertain two 4 year olds for a hour?

PING PONG!!

We keep things pretty exciting here. I think there was more chasing of the balls than there was of hitting them. But, who cares. They had a blast.

She comes up with these poses all by herself.

O Speaks

2011-05-11T13:35:00.001-05:00

M - I need to think of something to give to Nana for Mothers day.

O - Pudding

M - Pudding? Are you kidding me?

O- She loves pudding, she eats it everyday.

O to her preschool teacher, "I had a dream about Kadafi and Joseph"

"When I grow up I'm going to be a mommy and I'm going to have 14 kids, both boys and girls. There will be so many, some will have to sleep outside."

After watching Toy Story 3, O said to me, "Mom, I'll miss you when I go to college" sniff, sniff.

A Week of Firsts

2011-05-09T14:38:00.002-05:00

The first time O wanted to wear a hat to church was Easter Sunday. O had her first swimming lessons last week. She's pretty cautious around deep water and she absolutely does NOT like water in her face, so I consider O getting in the pool and blowing bubbles a huge success. She was so much fun to watch. She repeatedly told her teacher, "watch me" and then did something completely unrelated to what he was teaching them. For example, they were suppose to bob down in the water and let it get to their chin. O wanted him to watch her jump and kick a leg up. I'm so proud of her for trying it. I've told her swimming is just something you have to learn. She told the teacher "I'm nervous" before she went into the pool. He reassured her and in she went. She was beaming from ear to ear with that accomplishment. At the end of the lesson, each class member had to jump into the pool. O was so close. She would bend down like she was going to jump and then she would just keep going until she was squatting on the floor. I think she'll be more confident in the water after these lessons. Wa-hoo!!

O went to her first T-ball game. One of her favorite friends plays on a team and she asked to see one of his games. Here they are post game sharing oranges.
The first "pet" I have EVER purchased. I am NOT a pet person and it's hard for me to think of these little guys as pets, but that is what they are for now. The black one is Kung Pao and the light one is Cashew. I'm not sure how long we'll get to keep them. I'm pretty certain the HOA will frown on this acquisition, so, we won't tell any of our neighbors. Besides, I'm not sure how long the little chicks will survive all of the love and attention O gives to them. On a side note, I've wanted to own chickens for a LONG time. I really like the idea of fresh eggs and little guys running around in the yard eating bugs. I didn't tell LT before I bought them, but as soon as I did, I called him. I can't keep anything from him, especially if I'm concerned it will be a big deal. He laughed at me. He said he wasn't surprised. Hum, not sure what to think of that one.

For my Mum

2011-05-08T11:06:00.003-05:00

Several years ago, I posted this for my Mum. It captures my feelings so well, I think this poem bears repeating.

I love you mumster, smother, mumsy (and all those other sweet names.)

I was at my Mums house cleaning and I came upon this dusty old turtle whose legs have all broken off and I was reminded of the poem posted below the picture. This was my "lanyard" to my mum. Thanks mum for saving literally EVERYTHING I've ever presented to you from my heart. Turtle included.

The Lanyard
by Billy Collins
The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.
No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly-
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.
I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that's what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.
She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light
and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.
Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift-not the worn truth
that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

Weekly Update

2011-04-29T13:19:00.005-05:00

Ages ago, I used to send out an email that summed things up for the week. This morning I was looking for things to delete on my computer to free up some space, and I came across some of my old updates. It was fun to read the summaries of what was going on with us as we ended our time in UT and started our new life in TX. O is currently at a playdate so I am taking advantage of this time to recap the week. I hope to make this a regular feature of the blog, we'll see if it a realistic hope.

Overall, the Hills have had a good week.

Sunday morning O woke us up early to hunt for eggs. The night before she struggled going to sleep because she was so excited. The funny thing about it was, she was more excited for the Easter Bunny to come than she was for Santa to come in Dec.

Monday I went to a DBSA meeting. I haven't been to one since I lived in SA. I had to travel to Baltimore to go and it was well worth the drive, not only for the alone time in the car, but for the conversations of the evening.

Tuesday we had preschool in the morning and that evening we actually got to spend time with LT because he is done with school. Hooray.

Wednesday, we ventured into Baltimore for O to have a PT assessment. Our insurance sent us to Kennedy Kreiger. Talk about breaking out the big guns. As soon as we walked in there I knew we were way out of our league. It's nice to know that our insurance will send us to a cool place like that if we need it. O intoes and the PT doesn't seem to think it is a big deal. Well, I do! She complains of pain in her knees and she trips over her own feet, all of the time. Joints aren't made to work they way that O uses them. I'm going to take the assessment to the manual PT I worked with last summer and get a second opinion. I'd rather correct things early than deal with the dysfunction it creates later in life.

Thursday we had preschool, went shopping, watched a Tinkerbell movie and then LT took care of O while I cleaned our bathrooms. Gross. Then LT and I talked for 2 1/2 hours. It was almost like being on a date. We enjoyed uninterrupted conversation but I didn't worry about rushing home to relieve whoever was watching O.

So far today, I've been to the gym and chiropractor. O is at a playdate and I am trying to organize my thoughts and my house. LT will be busy with something tonight so it is just us girls. Hum, what to do.

Have a great week all

Much love

The Hills

On the Nightstand

A Crown of Swords by Robert Jordan. I'm about halfway through this one. Last fall when the second to last book of the series was released, I decided to read the series again. It's a rich story with so many characters and I'd lost track of some of them. I'm getting a lot more out of it this go around. Then again, I'm keeping notes of who is who and where they are and why they are important. I knew this little reading project could take about a year. It is a lot of fun.

Study Guide for the State of MD Jurisprudence Exam.

Quite boring. But, it is a necessary step in getting licensed here. I hope to take the test sometime in May or June and then apply for my MD Massage License. Wa-hoo!!

Fibromyalgia: A Guide for Massage Therapists by Karta Purkh Singh Khalsa, CD-N, RH

I haven't started this one yet, but now that LT is done with his schooling, it is my turn to get the study on. I'm excited to learn more about what I can do to help others with Fibromyalgia. I need to complete some CEUs to be eligible to renew my National Certificate.

Deep Tissue Massage by Dr. James Mally

This ought to be a review of what we covered in school. As I look through it, not a lot of it looks new, but I don't really care. I LOVE deep tissue, fascial release, structural integration philosophy and massage. Wa-hoo!!! (again)

Things that made me smile this week.

On Thursday at preschool, some of us briefly talked about travel. The conversations reminded me of all of the really cool places I've visited. Wow, I'm so lucky. This world is so big it's hard for me to comprehend the number of individuals who breathe on this amazing planet. I've got the itch to travel again. Maybe this time LT and I will do it together.

I booked a room at a hostel in DC for our anniversary in May. 10 years. I can hardly believe it. I think we've been together for 7 of those years. ha ha ha

O playing Wii Just Dance.

Beautiful blossoms on the bushes in my front yard.

The DBSA meeting on Monday. It made me smile to step into another persons life and hear them speak my thoughts. We are ALL connected in this crazy old world. I love being reminded of those connections.

The burn in my muscles that lasted for two days following my BodyPump class on Monday.

Puzzles in my Puzzler

Is it fair for people in jail to keep their right to vote? When and how should that right be restricted if it should be restricted at all? Does it depend on the crime, the type or severity? Does revoking that privilege interfere with their constitutional rights? Lots of thoughts on this one.

Happy Easter, a few days late.

Bingo

2011-04-29T12:20:00.002-05:00

as promised, here is the video of the bingo song.

Green Monkeys in Japan

2011-04-23T20:32:00.006-05:00

What do green monkeys in Japan and preschool graduation have in common???

You guessed it. OLIVIA!!!

O "graduated" from preschool on the 15th, but not really because she will be going there again next year. So this year was just for practice.

O went to the Nichols Bethel United Methodist preschool here in Odenton. I love, love, LOVE the program. The teachers couldn't be any better. O had a great time being there, she looked forward to going, she learned a lot and made a lot of fun friends. I loved that she received a Christian based education too.

There are some differences between Mormon culture and Methodist culture and I got a kick out of some of the differences. The songs O learned aren't the type you would hear in Primary, and they caught me off guard. For example, one day she busted out in a familiar tune, but with different lyrics. Instead of singing, "There was a farmer, had a dog and Bingo was his name-o. B-I-N-G-O" She sang, "There is a man who lives in me and Jesus is his name-o. J-E-S-U-S". I laughed and laughed and laughed and told her she was a wonderful singer. She had no idea I was just not sure how to respond to it. Songs we sing about Jesus tend to be a bit more reverent. Either way, I thought it was great. (I'll post the video of it in the next post.)

The other week we were at the doctors office to get shots. I asked O if she would hold my hand when I got mine and she told me, "If you're afraid, God will give you courage". I love that God is apart of her conversation. She thinks about how He works and what He has created and how He has asked us to treat people. I'm happy to send her there next year.

The church where she goes to school is being renovated and the construction crew is ahead of schedule. So, school had to end a month early. I'm so sad this preschool ended a month early. O doesn't know the difference but I sure do. The three afternoons a week I had for errands, appointments and other stuff is no longer available. At least we still have our little co-op until June to keep us busy. But, enough about that, I need to tell you about her graduation.

It lasted about 15 -20 minutes. That is as long as the kids could stand/sit still. The ceremony was held in the worship hall and the kids entered through the back of the room in a procession to the front. There were lots of stops and starts, waves, smiles and pictures. Once up front the "graduates" led us in the Pledge of Allegiance and sang a bunch of songs. The teachers then gave out awards, we took pictures and then everyone had cake. It was perfect, nice, short and sweet. Oh, and by the way, my camera totally sucks. Sorry about the poor quality.

Blowing a kiss

Thoughtful pose

Posing for the camera after her name is called.

Her wonderful teachers

Her good friend J. He was NOT in the mood for pictures, AT ALL.

O and J enjoying post ceremony treats.

Green Monkeys in Japan

A very enthusiastic Pledge of Allegiance

Simply Irresistible

2011-04-10T08:25:00.003-05:00

We took a trip to Storyville with some friends and one of them snapped this shot. O is peeking out of a hole in a log the kids can climb through. If we were playing a game of "whack-a-mole" and this little creature popped her head up, what would you do? I know I wouldn't be able to resist squeezing her cheeks off. Cute little monster.

Girly Girl

2011-04-05T20:28:00.002-05:00

Balance.

Life is about balance, right?

Fortunately we can balance Os Star Wars obsession with a dose of girly girl stuff, like hair bows, fake nails and jewelry.

On a side note, she has a major crush right now. When she talks about her boy, who is completely oblivious about the whole thing, she blushes and gets all giddy. In fact, she listened to a message he left for her inviting her over for a play date and she ran around the room and jumped up and down with excitement. It took her a long time to wind down before bed.

I love that my girl will play in the dirt, hold worms and touch snakes, and then clean up and want to paint nails, play house, dress up in skirts and twirl around to music. I love that she can be teased and teases back. I love that there is some balance in her life. I hope it is something that will stay with her. I hope she can explore without too many boundaries generated by fear. And, I'm happy I get to participate in being a girly girl with her.

Pretty flower clip to show off her pretty face, (and dental mirror?

O pretends to kill all of the storm troopers in her mouth.)

Princess nails.

(Although it's kind of creepy, I can picture those nails

in a horror show at Halloween)

Princess earrings, bracelets and a necklace. This girl is set up.

Star Wars!!!!

2011-04-04T20:09:00.005-05:00

O is obsessed with Star Wars. Literally, obsessed. I blame LT.

Anyway, I have a cool little story to share about this snazzy outfit O is wearing in the picture below.

A long, long time ago, in a state far, far away, I played soccer. (I rocked it in the goal, seriously, I was awesome. Then again, we had the best team in the state and our defense made sure the ball stayed away from me. That's how I totally rocked it in the goal. ) I played with some really cool people too.

Okay, my attempt to copy Star Wars ends here.

Through Facebook, I reconnected with one of my former teammates. She has a son that is really into Star Wars too. She had a SW themed birthday party for him and she made robes and light sabers for the guests. Lucky for O, one of her guests didn't show up so she sent her goods to us. O was THRILLED!!!

Thank you JWL, I wish you could have witnessed the joy you brought to my little girls life. Many, many thanks!

Behold My Little One

2011-04-03T10:45:00.004-05:00

I blame "Parent Trap".

The other week, I was out for the evening and O and her Daddy had a movie night. They watched "The Parent Trap". It was the recent one. O really liked it. So much so that she imitated some of the scenes in the movie. The first being the haircut.

One morning before church, she proudly announced she had cut her hair. I couldn't really tell but I think any parent who hears that panics a little. I asked her where the scissors were she used to cut her hair. She told me, "In the box". Hum..... She took me to this little basket and showed me the hair and scissors. Whoa, that was a lot more hair than I thought. At least you can't tell unless I pull her hair back in a ponytail. It blends in with her bangs that are growing out. What a relief, it could have been so much worse.

The next scene she imitated was the scene where the girls pour stuff all over the cabin floor, along with other nasty pranks. I didn't get a picture of this, but O poured a 20 oz bottle of water all over the floor in her play room. Grrrrrr.

My favorite "Parent Trap" contribution is our new treat. Oreos dipped in peanut butter. OH MY!!!! I don't think I'll ever be able to eat plain oreos again. So, so, so good!!

Disneyworld, take 2

2011-03-26T07:17:00.006-05:00

Who goes to Disneyworld twice in one year?

WE DO!!

I know, I know, we sound so spoiled, really we were just very blessed.

Last November, my dad came out to visit. If you know my dad, you know his is a frequent flyer junkie. He wanted to make sure he would have enough frequent flyers miles by the end of the year to qualify for the super duper, you-fly-with-us-a-lot, status. So, on his way back to ID, he took a detour to Orlando. He has some friends there he wanted to see. Through an unanticipated twist of events, we ended up accompanying him.

I just happen to have a cousin who works as a character at Disneyworld. How cool is that? She was very generous and gave us some of her guest passes. AND she arranged for us to have a private meeting with Belle, Cinderella, Aurora, Tinkerbell, Vidia and Rosetta. We only waited in line to see Ariel. O was really funny about it too. She didn't understand why we had to actually wait.

I had so many great parenting moments. It was a thrill to see O so completely awestruck and ecstatic. On our first day we waited in line to see Snow White and when she came out to greet people, she pulled O out of line to meet with her first. What a cool moment.

Here is something I found interesting. I asked my cousin what it was like to be a character. She said, most of the day you are just talking at children. They are so overwhelmed that they are meeting a princess that they don't really have anything to say. So, when you have a child who talks with you, it is a lot of fun. Well, although O was awestruck, she wasn't speechless. She talked and talked to each one she met. My cousin said when she was on break after we visited the three princesses and the fairies, Rosetta was talking about one little girl she met who was fun. My cousin asked about the little girl and it turned out to be O. I'm so proud. My daughter is cool enough that even the characters talk about her. It's no surprise really, she is a lot of fun even when she's not meeting the princesses.

We spent three days exploring the parks. The weather couldn't have been more perfect. In fact, the trip couldn't have been more perfect and magical. It was good for me to spend time with my dad. I think he really enjoyed watching his little granddaughter. I think he liked spoiling her too! I don't know when we'll make it back there, but I don't think any trip we take there will top that one.

My daughter is so cool. She had no problem touching a snake

Getting her face painted

Meeting Snow White

Celebrating with chocolate ice cream

My cousin

Cinderella

Three Princesses

Learning how to curtsy

Practicing the curtsy

O and her grandpa

O - Queen of the world

2011-03-02T12:34:00.003-06:00

O is growing up and I am having so much fun watching her explore her world. Here are few disconnected stories to give you a glimpse of our life.

Her imagination is a major source of my entertainment. She often has me in stitches because she is such a little performer. This morning we were teasing each other and I said something silly to her. She responded by looking to the side, as if she were addressing an audience, and pointed at me and said, "She's a funny lady". She loves to tease and be teased. Sometimes she says "You're killing me mom". I love it.

Her preschool is having their cap and gown pictures taken next week and the thought of sending O to kindergarten made me sad. I didn't think I would feel like I did. Fortunately she won't start school until 2012 so I have another year to play with her.

I usually give her a piece of junk mail when we get mail and today hers was from a mortgage company. So, we spent a good 10 minutes talking about buying a house and money and who takes care of a loan and why other people want to take care of our loan.

And she is a take charge type of girl. For FHE on Monday, she just took over. She said, "I'm teaching the lesson tonight" and she did. We sat on the floor while she sat in a chair and pretended to read from the Friend. She told us all about being a good friend and she told us Jesus is a good friend and then she asked if we had any questions. Then we played with her jump rope.

Last weekend I got a new mop. She had a blast playing with it and mopping the floor. I thought to myself, "If I get a new vacuum maybe I can get her to do the living room. Better yet, if I get something new each week, I may never have to clean again." Anyway, on with the story. At one point during the day, I spied her sitting on the floor with her mop in hand gazing out the window and singing. I could only imagine which character she was pretending to be.

More than once, she has set up a play date for herself during church and more than once, we've had to reschedule.

Driving home from preschool on Monday O dreamily informed me "Mom, I fell in love with Joseph". He is a friend from preschool and church. His family came over last night to watch O while LT and I went on a date. His mom told me she kept calling J "honey". When I dropped her off at preschool this afternoon, she kept putting her arm around him and was adamant he sit next to her. Oh dear, she's only 4. I can only imagine what we have coming and I'm worried.

She's been obsessed about her uterus and babies. I told her she didn't need to worry about having babies for a long time. She asked how long and I said, "probably not until you are in your twenties". O "you mean like when I'm 21?" M "Well, that's still a little young, but, sure." She told me she wanted to have twins, like Luke and Lea

The other day she put her hand on her belly and said, "my uterus is here." M "yes, it is".

O is obsessed with Star Wars, I blame LT.

I love it when she snuggles with me in the morning to get warm. I love it when she laces her little fingers through mine to hold hands and drifts off to sleep. There is just so much that I love about that little rug rat, it makes up for nights like last night when she was just awake from 4:30 until 7:00.

I have many, many more stories to share, but I'll save them for later.

Just plain old silly.

2011-03-01T17:28:00.003-06:00

This afternoon, O and I made and then gave a friend a Mud Pie for her birthday.

Literally, it was a mud pie. I love having silly friends who enjoy that kind of humor.

Sara Bareilles

2011-02-23T09:25:00.005-06:00

Well, I have a list of stories I want to share and it is getting so long they will be "outdated" before I even share them. One of the stories I want to share is about the Sara Bareilles concert I went to in, October??? I don't even remember when it was.

Sara Barellies has such fun music. It is catchy and bouncy and has a layer of attitude. O loves to dance and sing to King of Anything and Let the Rain. When I got a taste of Sara at Lilith Fair I knew I wanted more, so when she landed here on tour, it was a no brainer. This time I actually went with someone to a concert. (J and I had quite the adventure getting to the venue. We were so busy talking I missed one of the first exits. Oops. And, can you believe we did the same thing on the way home? Thank goodness for GPS.)

She is definitly entertaining. When Sara came out she was a little tipsy and she even told us. It was the last night for Greg Laswell on the tour and they are good friends, so they interrupted each others sets and did goofy things. They heckled each other and drank whisky to celebrate, hence, her being tipsy.

She had a potty mouth and my ears were bleeding by the time I left. J even mention she hasn't heard the F bomb dropped that many times in along time. Aside from all of that, Sara explained the meaning behind "Kaledescope Heart". These aren't all of her words, but the the gist is hers. She said when she came up with the title people said "What the F does that mean?" She explained that we are all beautiful inside but we are fractured. And when we hold ourselves up to the light we see the beauty. Like a kaliediscope. Now that I know that, I hear the reference in several of the songs on the album.

During the show I thought I smelled grilled onions. It totally grossed me out and confused me. What??? Where did that come from at a concert. I looked around and saw a cloud of onion air. I think there is a grill at the venue. It was gross. Aftet the concert, while we were walking back to the car I mentioned it to J. She laughed and told me she was thinking, "Don't these people shower?" It was funny.

Overall, I would see her again. That woman has an amazing set if pipes.

Here, enjoy these. (Sorry the quality is crumby. One of these days, I'll get a nice camera.)

Me and J

Greg Laswell. He's got some nice tunes.

The end of Gregs set. See Sara and the bottle of whiskey.

Sara doing her thing.

Greg came on stage wearing a bunch of her stuff when he sang back up.

Mental Illness, part 2 Anxiety

2011-02-17T18:22:00.000-06:00

This series of posts was prompted by a Relief Society meeting I attended. It was a great start for our sisters to talk a little bit about mental illness and I think some people got a lot out of it.

A month or so ago I was involved in a conversation at a friends house. Some of our friends had just departed and 4 of us remained. One person commented about someone who had just left. There was a little story with it and then the question, "Why would she do that, why would she say that?" It was kind of like a "how weird" statement. Well, I know my friend deals with anxiety and she is seeking methods, other than medicine, to manage it. I wanted to explain to them what it was like to deal with unmedicated anxiety. I wanted them to understand how you view the world when you're anxious and explain WHY she would say/do that. But, I didn't say anything and ever since then I've been bothered by it. I hope this post makes up for it.

Anxiety is not an uncommon emotion, however, when it starts to dominate your life, it is a problem. I feel qualified to comment on anxiety because I have experienced it. I hope to give you a little glimpse into what goes on in the mind of with someone with anxiety.

The first time I started experiencing anxiety was when I was working in a ridiculously stressful management position and teaching full time at a massage therapy school. Stress is often the trigger for a mental illness.(In fact, most people don't even think of anxiety as a mental illness, yet technically, it is classified as a mental illness.) I had no clue what was happening to me and neither did my husband. The playful, social me was being replaced by someone who cried a lot and was afraid. I didn't want to talk to anyone anymore. I wanted to say "yes" or "no" and be done. Any type of chaos was overstimulating and I wanted to flee. I felt panicked and desperate to escape. It was the first time I wanted to be invisible. I remember feeling so embarrassed by it too. (On a side note, I'm still trying to eliminate some of those behaviors.) I was aware of the changes in me and I knew I was acting differently. My friends weren't quite sure what was going on either. I remember getting to the point where I was terrified to teach a class/topic that I had taught a dozen times before. I remember driving to work one day crying because I was so overwhelmed. I begged the Ed Manager to teach my class for me. It was a really hard place to be in. I've never been the same since. Since LT and I didn't know I was experiencing anxiety, we didn't know what to do about it.

Now, one important thing to know about mental illness is it is exacerbated by disturbances in your sleep patterns. So when Olivia was a newborn and she wanted to be fed every 3 hours, my anxiety was just out of control. I went from wanting be invisible and being overwhelmed by everything to seeing every flaw or unmet expectation through a magnifying glass. EVERYTHING was huge, and I mean, literally everything. I was desperate to keep my life in some sort of order. I became ridiculous about keeping my house clean because I had a baby. The fact that I wasn't perfect in every little thing made me want to apologize to everyone because I thought they saw it too. And I thought they judged me harshly by it and wouldn't want to be my friend because of it. "I've got dirty dishes in the sink, I'm so sorry", "I haven't vacuumed today, I'm sorry", "I should have done this, I'm sorry"," I should have done that, I'm sorry." Truly, it was ridiculous. People didn't know why I was so weird. For a while, I didn't even know why I was so weird. ha ha ha

Back to my friend, because I had experienced anxiety of my own, I understood why she said what she said that day. I totally understood why she did what she did. I got it, I knew she wasn't weird. She just deals with anxiety, it's okay. I wish more than anything I had come to her "defense". I wish more than anything more people knew about mental illnesses and how they show up.

I want to illustrate my point by using pregnancy as a comparison. People GET pregnancy. Even if you've never been pregnant. It's seen and talked about enough that people get it. The way a woman acts when she is pregnant is "okay". We tolerate it. If she starts crying, or gains a ton of weight, or is on bed rest or so on and so on, it's okay, because she's pregnant. Pregnant people just do those things or experience them. People are more lenient with pregnant women.

"Why would she do that, why would she say that?"

"Ah, she's just pregnant. It's all those hormones."

People would rush to her aid if she needed it.

"She's on bed rest, I can help". Often times it is the women who have been on bed rest themselves that can really show and have compassion for her because they've experienced it too.

Why can't it be that way with someone with a mental illness?

"Why would she do that? Why would she say that?"

"Ah, she's just dealing with anxiety. She says that to make it feel smaller."

It may also be a way for her to say, "I know I'm acting differently and I know you probably don't know why. Please don't judge me harshly."

My intention is to teach others so one day people will "get" mental illness. My hope is that it will be talked about enough that it will be as normalized as pregnancy. My experiences with anxiety have helped me gain a deeper understanding of it and I feel a great deal of compassion and tolerance for others who deal with mental illness. I hope more people can have compassion and tolerance for it too.

Mental Illness, part 1

2011-02-15T20:32:00.003-06:00

I just returned from our Relief Society meeting tonight and one of the class topics was on Mental Health and Mental Illness. I always get so excited to talk about this because I have such a passion for the topic. There is so much information available to the public and not enough of it is known. I hope to spread the word about Mental Illness so others can start to understand it. And, where understanding increases, compassion can grow.

Some of my go to websites are

DBSA - Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

NAMI - National Alliance on Mental Illness

NIMH - National Institute on Mental Health

The first thing I want to touch on is, Mental Illness is NOT a character flaw. It is an actual, diagnosable medical condition. Often times, conditions come together, ADD, Depression, Bipolar, Anxiety. Mental illness is very common in our population. According to information on the NIMH website, 1 in 4 adults have a mental illness/disorder. It is very common for people to experience anxiety and/or depression in their lifetime. Depression has been called the "common cold" of mental illness. Most mental illnesses are mild and not chronic. Only 6% of the population suffer from a debilitating and/or chronic mental illness.

Tonight, one sister shared that she has panic attacks and has had them since she was a teenager. She's experienced them enough to know that they pass and she knows how to manage them. Another sister in the class asked what it was like to have a panic attack.

I love it when people ask that question. It is an invitation for someone to tell a real life story of what it is like to experience symptoms of a mental illness.

More often than not, people just don't understand and tend to minimize what the other person is experiencing. I remember about 10 years ago, I was with one of my friends who was experiencing a panic attack. She had just started having them and they totally freaked her out. She didn't know what the heck was going on and when I was with her during her attack, I didn't understand it either. When people are experiencing symptoms of a mental illness, sometimes they just need you to be with them. They don't need you to fix it or try to fix them. They may just need the support of you being with them while they go through it. One of my friends uses a beautiful phrase to describe it. "Just hold it with me".

Here are some ways you can support a person experiencing symptoms. This is from the DBSA website

What you can say that helps:

You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.
I understand you have a real illness and that’s what causes these thoughts and feelings.
You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.
I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.
When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold on for just one more day, hour, minute - whatever you can manage.
You are important to me. Your life is important to me.
Tell me what I can do now to help you.
I am here for you. We will get through this together.

What you should avoid saying:

It’s all in your head.
We all go through times like this.
You’ll be fine. Stop worrying.
Look on the bright side.
You have so much to live for; why do you want to die?
I can’t do anything about your situation.
Just snap out of it.
Stop acting crazy.
What's wrong with you?
Shouldn’t you be better by now?

Tonight, I also heard a fallacy and I have to address it because I don't want it to be perpetuated. One person stated that she wasn't really fan of medication. She leans more towards "positive talk". Although that is a valid and purposeful tool for assisting people, it isn't always enough or a good fit. That is like saying, "Even though I am a type 1 diabetic, I think if I just never eat sugar, I will be okay." That's not realistic or helpful information for uninformed people to hear. Often times counseling and cognitive therapy will be enough, but more often than not, there is a need to assist the body balance it's chemistry, and that is with the use of medicine. I refer to mental illness as diabetes of the brain. We are chemical creatures and when something is out of whack, our bodies work like mad to put it back in order. If it can't do it on it's own, medicine is one way to help.

The reason I don't like people to think medicine is horrible and to be avoided, is because most people with a chronic mental illness (I'm speaking primarily of Bipolar Disorder) spend YEARS in denial. There is a stigma with having a mental illness. A lot of people are, in a way, afraid of it because they don't understand it. Nobody wants to talk about it. Nobody wants to have an illness that nobody really sees or understands. Most people I've spoken with carry a bit of shame. Some say they feel like they are carry around a huge secret that they can't share. People treat you differently when they find out you have a mental illness.

I had one institute teacher say, "I think depression is a lack of faith". Wow, a comment like that does more harm that good when it is heard. It perpetuates the belief that mental illness is all in your head, and can be prayed out of you. And, it invalidates the person with a mental illness and is especially harmful to someone in denial.

I have much, much more to say on this topic and I will share more in another post. I hope to inform as many people as I can about mental illness. I hope to help normalize it.

Feb 13th

2011-02-13T13:49:00.004-06:00

I know most people celebrate the holiday that lands on the 14th, but I would rather celebrate today. One year ago today, Feb 13th, LT flew home. After an 18 month absence, with a few visits, we were FINALLY together again as a family.

I have a greater appreciation and respect for military spouses whose partners are deployed. It's hard.

I love my family and I love it even more when we are together.

Welcome home LT. We missed you.

This is me stooping.

2011-01-26T09:26:00.011-06:00

My family is a bit crazy. If you've met us, you know.

My brothers life could easily provide content for a dozen Jerry Springer episodes.

My parents are both great people, with big hearts and quirks.

There was a time in my youth when I was embarrassed by them and wished I had come from a different family. (Then again, what child hasn't, at some point, thought that?) However, over the years, through good times and bad, I have come to appreciate how fortunate I am to have them. We are a motley crew, but we work.

Through what I learned as a child, and what I've have had to unlearn as an adult, I've come to see the core of what makes relationships work. One component is communication. Open, honest, communication. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten in fights with my mom, and when all is said and done, and the emotion passes, we will still talk with each other. My family yelled at each other instead of keeping quiet and ignoring things. My parents didn't play passive aggressive games with each other.

Granted, my family is far from perfect, but we still try to be together. My parents have been divorced for over 10 years, yet, they still include each other in family events. They support both of their children and their grandchildren. We've spent Christmases and other holidays together. It's so weird, and at the same time, it shows me that you can still support the people you love without being mean to others. It shows me that love for your children conquers the dislike for the other. You can put aside your differences.

This is where it gets ugly, you are welcome to stop reading now.

It has taken looking into the ugliness of another family to help me recognize what is good with mine.

The event that prompted this post was a simple phone call. My good friend called his mom. Yep, a phone call. He was on the phone for 30 minutes and she didn't ask ONE SINGLE question about how he was doing. What kind of mother does that? She hardly talked to him at all. He had to offer information to get her to talk and her responses were, "uh huh" and "oh". He asked questions about her and she barely answered them. Once the call was over, I asked him about it. I told him I was sorry his family totally sucked. There was a time when that would have been hurtful to him, but he said it was just sad. It's a complex story, true, but, what kind of mother shuts out her son without even talking with him about why? This past summer he called to talk with her about it, actually have a conversation (crazy idea, I know), and she said it was in the past, you know, just sweep it under the rug. And then, she shuts him out. That behavior is just sick. He's not bothered by it, but I am. Wow, I just can't wrap my head around it. I actually feel sorry for them. My family is so very different from his and in all of our dysfunction, I think we are actually healthier.

Yes, this is harsh and petty.

Um, okay.

I'm tired of being quiet about it.

It feels good to come into my own appreciation of my family. In a way, this is me beating my chest to show the world, mine is better than yours. I'll take my families crazy any day over his. At least my family calls me on my birthday. My mom smothers me and drives me batty, but I know there isn't anything I could do that would keep her from me. She loves me so thoroughly. She has always been a dedicated mom. She always wants to be in the know. As annoying as it is at times, I have no doubt of where I stand with her.

I truly feel sorry for his family. Fortunately, there is hope for some.

Once again, petty and small, I know, but, I did say I was stooping.

Another Birthday

2011-01-03T13:15:00.001-06:00

I turned 36, and it doesn't seem to fit.

I feel fine and I'm happy with my body, until I look in the mirror. It's bigger and softer than I want it to be. I tell myself it is natures way of keeping me warm in the winter. It is, isn't it?

My skin is older, it doesn't have the youthful plumpness and glow. It has more creases. Even though my body is softer I feel, in some places, I am shrinking out of my skin. Is this what it is to age? I don't notice it in my mind, my self. As long as I don't look at my hands or in the mirror, I am as young as 20.

True, my brain is cloudier and my nimbleness is less, but I'm surely not old, not yet.

Christmas is coming

2010-12-06T17:49:00.002-06:00

Are you ready?

Here is a little video from last year, 2009. Can you guess the song?

Ah, The Weepies

2010-12-03T13:30:00.003-06:00

They are a deep breath.

They are the perfect moment. They are the beautiful yellow just before a warm summer sunset. I smile and feel a depth of satisfaction when I think of the Weepies. My sweet friend Ali Mae introduced me to them. She bought me "Say I am You" as a gift when I left SLC. That CD stayed in my car for 2 years. I listened to it over and over again as I drove to AZ to meet O. I listened to it again 2 years later, as I drove home from AZ with the expectation that her adoption would be final. I love the Weepies partly because of the sweet memories of Ali Mae and the faith she taught me and partly because of the caress of their songs.

I love "Painting by Chagall" because it makes me think of O. I call that "our song". When she was a newborn, I sang it to her when she ate, when she slept, when I held her. I was so thrilled to have her and she surrounded me.

"Sometimes rain that's needed falls

We float like two lovers in a painting by Chagall,

All around is sky and blue town

Holding these flowers for a wedding gown

we live so high above the ground

satellites surround us."

I did feel so high above the ground. She was the rain that was needed.

I had the chance to see them in November. There were no cameras allowed so I don't have any pictures to share. They were incredibly adorable. Steve Tannen had a way of telling stories that reminded me of my brother, it was very endearing. He was funny, I almost wet my pants a time or two. I now know the meaning behind the song "Riga Girls". It had NEVER made sense to me and I gave up trying to puzzle it out ages ago. The story is about spam. His spam filter kind of stopped working and he started getting some of those messages that don't really make sense and you wonder if the author knew how to speak english. Well, one day he got one that said "Riga girls go like this" and he said "Riga girls go like what?" He clicked on it and it was a porn link and his screen was instantly covered with porn pages. His mouse couldn't keep up so he got on the floor "desperately hoping no one was around to help" him find the outlet so he could unplug it. Right at that moment, Deb walked into the room. And, that is how "Riga Girls" came about. He is perpetually reminded of his moment of embarrassment and humiliation.

I would see them again without hesitation. They are a charming and entertaining couple. I left with a warm happy feeling that makes me smile even now as I think of it. To me, that is a sign of a good show.

Germany 2009

2010-11-28T21:49:00.005-06:00

For some reason, I've never had a desire to visit Europe. When I was a wee lass, our family lived in Scotland and England for a year. I have some vivid memories from living there. And when I graduated from college my Dad took me along with him on one of his French Open trips. Once again, I have some really cool memories of France. In 2006 I spent three weeks in SE Asia and almost 2 weeks in Brazil. The countries I visited were fascinating to me and I wouldn't hesitate a second to go back to Thailand. I consider myself very privileged to have traveled to so many places in my short life thus far. Then again, I would rather do than have and travel is at the top of the "do" list for me.

With that said, it was around this time last year when I traveled to Stuttgart Germany to spend a couple of days with LT. I find myself thinking of how surprised I was that I liked it there. The buildings were rich, the streets were tiny and the meats were mysterious. We had some memorable experiences there.

The story goes like this. In the spring my Dad purchased tickets for us to visit LT in Djibouti in December. The more we talked with LT the more it made sense that visiting Djibouti wasn't a good idea. It's not really a safe place. So, we cancelled our tickets. Travel to Djibouti isn't cheap, so that left me with a decent amount of airline money to use. (Even after my trip to Germany we had enough to use to go to Disneyworld this past March) LT found out he had a training in Germany and we decided I would meet him there for a few days so we could be together. My roommate took the lead with taking care of O and things were set.

When I arrived in Germany, I'd been up for hours and was ready for a shower and sleep. But, when I walked into the hotel room, LT was there, lying in bed. He wasn't suppose to be there. The very first thing he said to me was, "I've got the stomach flu". NOT the way to welcome me. If you know me, I mean REALLY know me, you'll understand why I wanted to get back on the plane and go home. Also, I was exhausted but I didn't want to get into bed with him because if he had the flu, there were bugs all over. I said something like "Oh crap". No "Hello", no compassion or sympathy, no "I'm sorry, I hope you feel better, what can I do?" I proceeded to interview him to get an understanding of what was going on and it turns out he just had food poisoning. SO much better.

Once he felt better, he got up and went to his conference and I slept. Then, I explored. I took the train all over to find a store and to get to know the system. I discovered where to go to the Christmas market in the town square. After his conference ended we ventured out. We arrived in the dark evening, it was cold and misting. We ate mysterious sausage meat and kraut. We wandered around the cool buildings. Outside of a beautiful cathedral, a guide who spoke some english invited us to come back in an hour because they were going to set the church "on fire". LT said "Oh really, this I've got to see". What they really did was illuminate the interior with candles. It was cool. I'm really sad I forgot my camera that night.

Another "exciting" thing that happened while we were in the town square was a protest. We were walking near the mall when we heard a lot of police sirens and a lot of chanting. Immediately I wanted to see what was going on. I dashed to the nearest column and peeked into the street. The police were creating a barricade and they were dressed in the riot gear I've seen officers wear in TV shows. I was SO excited and a bit frightened. I had NO CLUE what the hullabaloo was about because, I don't speak German. It didn't take long for LT to catch up with me and as soon as he did he whispered in my ear "We need to go". Awwwww man? He's the cautious one. Well, it DID make sense to avoid a possible civil conflict in a foreign country, but it would have been SO COOL to see. I reluctantly walked away with him. *pout*

One of our favorite days was our visit to the Medieval Christmas Market. It felt like such an adventure to ride the various trains to get there and then enter a world of knights and maidens and mysterious foods. (Have I said enough about the meats yet?)

I thought this street was pretty cool.

The Sodom and Gomorra Bathhouse

I love the dude with the 21st century camera.

Here I am with Hagar. I don't know his real name so I made up my own.

Hey, I've seen one of those before, except it was mini and had candles all around it.

At this meat was NOT a mystery.

Vlad

People in furs.

Overall, it was just nice to spend time with LT. The poor guy was exhausted and burned out and all he really needed to do was rest. I'm grateful he humored me and let me drag him around. Always a great guy. I'm so happy we get to be together for this December instead of just a few days. We are so blessed.

O - The Hair

2010-11-27T22:47:00.007-06:00

Yes, let's talk about the hair.

I know, I know, it is always wild in pictures. In the spring O started pulling her hair out of the pony tail/s I put in her hair. And it was so long, all it would do was fly around and cover her face like she was some wild beast.

In the spring I cut bangs, well, I tried and I ended up cutting them crooked and too short. Sorry sweetheart. I only did it because she started pulling her hair out of every elastic/scrunchie I put in her hair. It resulted in her looking like some wild beast. It would fly all around and cover her eyes and at times her entire face. Poor kid.

Anyway, the bangs. We tried them and now they are growing out. Her hair is wavy which translates into wavy bangs. I know, her hair is.... shaggy. She refuses to let me put ANYTHING in it to pull it back. When I do talk her into letting me put something in, it lasts for a few minutes. The bangs ARE getting longer and she is getting older and understanding that it is nice to have her hair out of her face. I'm hoping they will be long enough in the spring to bring and end to them.

Come to think of it, doesn't EVERYONE have bad hair pictures from their youth?

Shortly after the cut. She just enjoyed a blueberry smoothie, can you tell?

She's the cutest thing.

A visit from Uncle T, the hair is growing out.

Getting longer.

Preserved forever.

It's in the eyes now, hooray.

And this is where we are now.

She took this pic herself, she is so proud.

Halloween!!

2010-11-27T22:30:00.004-06:00

I am far, far behind on what I want to post on this blog and I refuse to skip events just to keep things chronological here. That's just the way I roll, love me. With that said, I am going to tell you about our Halloween party.

Halloween is one of our favorite holidays. Before life in the Navy, we would throw a Halloween party, every year. It was always a lot of fun to see the creative costumes of our friends and spend time with them eating donuts, playing games and watching/making fun of B grade movies. Some of my fondest memories of life before the Navy are our halloween parties.

This year, since LT was home, we decided to throw our party again. I hate leaving anyone out but I quickly realized as I wrote the guest list that I would have to. I didn't have a choice. Nearly all of our friends have children and if I had invited everyone I wanted to, it would have been over 75 people. And half of them were children. Even so, we hired two babysitters and 35 people, not including us, came to celebrate. Our house was full and I LOVED IT!! Although they were missed, it's a good thing several families cancelled last minute otherwise we may have violated an HOA covenant or something. Ha ha ha

Part of the Halloween set up.

This year, I spent more time baking cookies, popping popcorn and hanging lanterns than I did planning my costume. So, we ended up doing a repeat of The Adams. LT looks awesome when he bugs his eyes. In the picture, you'll see O isn't in costume. She'd had 2 parties earlier that day and I think she was done being dressed up.

Yep folks, that mustache is real.

O had the honor of shaving it off at the end of the night.

I think I missed the best part of the party though. All of the kids were in our basement watching "Spongebob Square Pants". Partway through the evening O came upstairs to the adults, panicked. She tried to tell us the others were having a popcorn fight. She told them to stop and they weren't listening. I heard that and thought of the copious amounts of popcorn I'd popped being tossed all over the basement. At first I thought "Oh crap, that's going to be a mess". But that thought didn't last long, I was on to "When I was that age, I would have loved doing that". LT went downstairs with O. He said he peeked his head into the room and told them to have fun. At the end of the night I took a picture but a majority of the popcorn was cleaned up. Dang it! I wish I had a picture of it. At least is was likely memorable for the kids.

If you look really closely, you will see popcorn on the carpet.

O had a great smirk in this pic.

Finally, no halloween party with glow sticks would be complete with out a phone call to poison control at the end of the night. We learned they truly are non toxic, as listed. And, for the record, O was NOT the one who sampled some glow stick juice. Sorry folks, no picture for this one.