Moody

Well, March holds the recent record for migraines. I ended up taking medicine over 17 times. That's a bit scary since my insurance only allows 9 pills a month. It's a good thing I have an exception from that rule. The reason why I'm bringing it up is because when I have to take an imitrex at night, I can't take one of my anxiety pills.  I missed a day here and there, and then I ended up missing 2 days in a row. A few days later, I had to deal with the moods.

(One of my friends is really open about her struggles with her MI and reading her blog posts remind me I'm not all that crazy and I'm not alone in my mood swing world. I know I don't have many readers on this blog, but I do know some of them and I do know they struggle with some of the same things. My hope in posting this is, it will help them in a way my friends blog helps me.)

So, back to the mood story. There is nothing worse and more inconvenient than having to leave reality and live in the murky world of depression. I'm so grateful I know enough to recognize when I'm not in my healthy mind, but it is still very annoying. I just want to open up and tell someone I'm feeling down, but I'm afraid they don't want to hear it, which is, ironically, part of the mood swing.

The first part of the mood swing brought a lot of weepiness, over the silliest things too. Then, the depression hit. I'm still able to function but my mind is filled with all sorts of horrible thoughts that are magnified and big. It's like all of my insecurities are brought up and waved in front of my face to shame me.  I'm too weird. I'm not like anyone else. People don't like me. I never know what to say and end up saying the wrong thing. No one invites me to do things with them. I'm not likable, and on and on. Aren't those thoughts just terrible? Like I stated before, I'm blessed to know the healthy reality that exists outside of the mood.

Also, the feeling of hopelessness is heavy. It's hard to laugh. I end up being grumpy for a bit. It's hard to motivate myself to do anything. I'm still responsible and do things,  it just takes a lot more effort than usual. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. At least, I know it's all chemical, it will resolve itself soon and I'll be okay.

I realize all of this is depressing to read, but here comes the best part. The mood eventually goes away. What great news! And when it does go away, I'm always in awe of how ugly those feelings were and I delight that they are gone. I know everyone has things in life that they just have to deal with, and this is mine. I don't feel like I'm the victim of some horrible injustice. I'm just grateful it's something I can handle. I can think of a bazillion other things I'd rather not deal with. This one is mine and that's okay.

BJ Hill

I met this really cool guy years ago at a Scout Camp. (I think it was 1995) Our Stake went to the Island Park Scout Camp one year. I was the leader over the YCLs at the time, so I heard all of the girl talk about the cute boys who worked at camp. BJ was one they talked a lot about. Not only was he cute, but he was from Mass and had a cool accent.

After the camp season was over he visited a bunch of us in Pocatello. He stayed at my house and I don't really remember very much about his visit. I do remember we got shaved ice. Hum.. Well, we stayed in touch and over the years I've been able to vicariously share in his adventures.

He's one of those guys who does all of the crazy things I dream of doing but don't dare. He taught English in Japan for quite some time. While on his break from teaching in Japan, he volunteered in Afghanistan. I may not have all of the details correct, but it was either Afghanistan or Iraq. I think it was shortly after the start of the war. Anyway I thought that was the coolest thing. I would never dare to venture off with out knowing anyone and live in a foreign country.

When he graduated from college his mother gave him a Greyhound bus pass that allowed him to travel all around the country. He visited friends in Pocatello and my mum. I came up to see him. He met my brand new niece and nephew. I remember he was holding W who was probably only a month old. She started to fuss and in a kind of surprised and awkward way he said to her, "That's enough of that now." For some reason that memory has stayed with me. It was really funny. He also visited me a few weeks later in Salt Lake. I made him sleep out in a tent in our backyard. Ha, poor guy. I was living with 3 other girls and our rule was no boys spending the night. My friend Jana was much nicer and let him sleep inside her apartment. He visited again a year or so later. I was married to LT then. I remember we watched a Star Wars movie and I painted my toenails. (Ya, I remember the strangest things.)

He worked for a season with Americorps doing all sorts of cool service oriented projects. He volunteered with the Red Cross when Katrina hit New Orleans. He taught Special Education for a year. He is a writer and a walker. One summer, he walked across Mass gathering messages from the people to present to the Governor. He was spotlighted in several newspapers and he was able to present the book of messages to the Governor.

Then, in 2008, he walked again. This time it was across the nation, from San Francisco to.. um.. Mass, I think. It was an election year and he wanted to gather messages from the people for the new president. He used Couchsurfer to find places to stay and he camped as well. I'm not sure how many pairs of shoes he went through, but I can imagine it was a lot. He started his walk in the spring and finished in the winter. Just recently he was able to meet with President Obama and give the notebooks of messages to him. When he was give an appointment to meet POTUS instead of flying from Mass for the meeting, he walked and gathered more messages. You can read about his experience here  He stayed with us for two nights during his walk to the White House. A picture of our family is on the above website.

Right now he is the IT guy for a non-profit company. He is also and EMT and volunteers and events like walks and races. And, he is still and active volunteer with the Red Cross. He was even called up to help this past summer.

Here we are in 2000 in Salt Lake City, UT. 

11 years later here he is sitting on my sofa. I love that he's wearing a 

Captain America t-shirt. So appropriate for meeting the President.

Check out my super long hair, oh, and BJ sitting next to me.

I wish I could find the pictures from camp when we first met. That would be fun to see.

BJ is a genuinely good guy and I am happy I know him. He has a talent for telling stories and that keeps me pretty entertained. I can't wait to walk into a bookstore years from now and pick up a book of his memoirs.

Moving on

I really ought to be going to bed, but I want to just sit and write instead. I have lots of different things on my mind that I want to share. The primary feelings that I feel right now are awe and gratitude. I am so blessed. Truly, I am. How did I ever get so lucky to be where I am and know the people I know?

We will be moving at the end of June. The owners of the townhouse we are renting are going to sell and since we can't extend, we are going to buy a house. It's far more affordable to buy than to rent in this area. We've been keeping our eye on the market since we placed an offer on a house last year. We really love the area where we are living and we love our ward and we want to stay. But we couldn't find an affordable home or one we liked. So, we are moving a few miles away. We will be going to church in the same building but to a different ward. I'm sad to be moving wards. It means I have to give up being the camp director. Boo!! The new ward already has a rockin' camp director, so they won't need me. Sigh!

The home we are in the process of buying is pretty cool. LT and I had "lists" of things we wanted in the "next" house we bought and this house has almost all of them. I know the thing I will miss the most about where I'm living now is the kitchen. Seriously, this kitchen is amazing. I want to bring it with me, but, I can't. Our new kitchen is itty bitty. I'm sure I'll survive. However, the kitchen is a small sacrifice to make for a yard where O can play outside and a space for a food garden AND space to have chickens. I kind of chuckle when people respond to me, "Oh yes, fresh eggs. You'll love them". I am looking forward to fresh eggs, but these chickens won't be pets. I plan to eventually eat them too. I wonder what they'd say if I told them that part.

The things we were looking for were a 2 car garage that is actually large enough to park 2 cars and be able to get out of them without hitting the other car. We wanted a yard where O could play and I could see her from the inside. We wanted space for a garden. We wanted it to be large enough that we could invite friends over and not feel crowded. We wanted a basement so we could send the kids to play away from the adults and to chill out in during the summer. We wanted space to be able to store and have it out of the way. I wanted a lot large enough for us to have chickens.

The house has only had one owner. It was custom built and the reason why I like that is it doesn't look like every other house in the neighborhood. It is obvious the house was loved and well maintained. The lady of the house was a gardener. She had a green house build on the side of the garage. I plan to grow wheatgrass to juice and other things to add to smoothies. I think O will enjoy planting and watching things grow too. The yard has a nice variety of trees and plants. It's just really cool. I'd post pictures, but I haven't downloaded them yet.

FHE

Tonight for Family Home Evening, O had the lesson. I'm still not sure what the lesson was about, but she used a whoopee cushion, some of her dolls, a car and a pot.

I was conducting and when I started with announcements O raised her hand, "I have some announcements you don't know about. No watching TV unless it is Once Upon A Time, Veggie Tales or a Jesus movie."

(That's our Sunday rule)

LT responded with, "What about Toy Story 3?" She had watched it earlier on in the day.
"Never mind" She said.

email

Our LMNOHILL email accounts are offline, permanently. SO, you'll have to use our gmail accounts to contact us.

Happy Valentines Day 2012 and Zombies

LT and I have a "tradition" of celebrating Valentines day with an unusual date. One year, we went for the tackiest date and ate at Hooters. Another year we wore all black. This year, we decided to go to a shooting range for our Valentines date. Nothing says I love you more than big bullets and a heavy gun. On our way there we talked about what kind of gun we wanted to use once we got there. I had absolutely NO interest in a 22. LT had shot a lot of 9mm in his combat training for Djibouti. Neither of us knew anything about a 38. During our safety orientation the instructor pulled out the bullets for each gun. I choose the biggest bullet so that meant we ended up with the 38.

IT WAS SO COOL!!!

The gun is a revolver with 6 bullets. I had to cock it each time and line up with the target. I was really nervous at first simply because they scare the crap out of you in the safety class. My first shot hit the upper part of the circle. After I realized it wasn't going to blow up in my face I settled into my groove. I had so much fun shooting. Poor LT was so frustrated because he was struggling with the gun, but the instructor helped him out. I thought it was funny that he was so frustrated. We are both so competitive. I was LOVING that he couldn't blame doing poorly on the gun because we were using the same gun. We laughed about it on the drive home. Okay, I'm gloating a little bit. He said it was okay.

The other thing that is funny about our trip to the shooting range is it relates to our current obsession with a zombie apocalypse. The end of December we watched The Walking Dead and it has caught our imagination. His more than mine, but we do have some fun conversations about survival. I now know I can kick butt with a revolver. So, watch out bad guys.

The other night I took LT to a concert. On the drive home I asked how he enjoyed the music and he said he thought about zombies the whole time. His plan is to get his hands on an industrial wood chipper and herd the zombies into it. BUT, we would first have to get out of the house. So, he came up with the plan to make holes in the walls to our neighbors houses. We live in a town home so we are connected to other units. We expect our neighbors on both sides to have guns. One is a cop and the other is military. There is more to the plan, but I'll stop there so I can show off my awesome target and get O to bed.

Weekly Roundup

Monday

O went to the dentist. She pouted and frowned and REFUSED to open her mouth for the hygienist clean her teeth or the dentist to check them out. It was exhausting. As a result, she's not allowed to have any treats. For 6 months. Except on rare occasions, like birthday parties or school parties. We are sticking to our guns on this one and thankfully, she is being far more cooperative about brushing her teeth.

M - I had the coolest massage. I trade with one my my LMT friends here and he is experimenting on doing a lot of intuitive work. He started out with some superficial fascia release and then went on to perform the entire lomi-lomi massage without any lotion. It was the coolest feeling ever. My skin felt fantastic afterwards.

LT had the day off and read.

Tuesday 

O had a 5 hour play date and then a 70 minute melt down. I told her she needed to pick up her toys before we could meet some friends at the park. She refused to pick them up. I refused to take her to the park. 70 minutes people!!! 70 minutes of bargaining, whining, crying, flopping on the floor and such. At one point, O told me she was leaving. I asked her where she was going to go and she told me somewhere she doesn't have to pick up toys.

M - I tried to make a hair bow for O. It was really ugly and reminded me why I don't like to do crafty things. Once O was ready for bed, I went shopping.

LT - worked and then took care of O when she had a 40 minute meltdown before bed. She was just having a rough day.

Wednesday 

O had a mellow morning and went to school in the afternoon.

M - I had a really fun meeting for girls camp. I gave the girls a scenario, a bunch of props and a list of 10 words. They had to come up with a skit using and referencing all of their props by name and properly use their vocabulary words. It kind of sort of qualified as a certification requirement. Also, I lost my voice.

LT  was informed he is receiving an award/recognition at work for being a good geek for the quarter. (Hi, I'm LT and I approve of this statement)

Thursday

O enjoyed the weekly play date we host and had a great time with daddy in the evening.

M - I was basically a mute, ALL DAY. I could whisper, but that was it. I've lost my voice several times in the past, but this was the first time I actually completely lost my voice. I couldn't call anyone on the phone or get O's attention. I had to clap or knock on the wall to get her to look at me. She even teased me a time or two saying, "I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying." 

I also had a really good time getting to know one of my friends better. I feel so blessed to be where I am and who I am right now. I get to spend time with some really great people. AND, we started studying Isaiah in our Adult Institute class, at my request. I'm so very, VERY excited.

Ended the day with a migraine.

LT worked and took care of O so I could go to class.

Friday

O worked out at the gym and made ice cream at school. In the evening, we attended a baptism and afterwards we had refreshments in the gym. O stood on stage and sang at the top of her lungs while the other kids ran around. This girl is destined to be a performer.

M - I made it to the gym and didn't end up with a migraine. There is hope for my waistline and BMI. I volunteered at school in the afternoon and helped O make ice cream. It was awesome! It cracks me up that even at school, she talks non stop. The baptism in the evening was a perfect way to end the day. 

LT worked.

Saturday

O fell in love with the D family. She played with them while LT and I went to the temple. We weren't even in our car when she asked me when I would take her back to their house. She said, "The next time you drop me off, you can come and pick me up at 3:30."

M - I made headway with the D's daughter A. She is a really shy girl and very clingy. I've been "working on her" since this past fall. She lets me hold her now and waves at me. LT and I had a great time at the temple. In the afternoon, I had a migraine. It pretty much sucked. I didn't feel better until midnight. I honestly couldn't tell you what LT and O did all afternoon/evening. I was dying for meds to kick in and give me some relief. 

LT continued to be the best husband and father in the world. I love going to the temple with him. We always have great conversations and I love knowing that we can be together.

Sunday

O - This is the coolest thing I get to write. O bore her testimony, all by herself. I returned to the bench from sharing mine and she popped up and headed to the stand. LT wasn't sure if one of us should go with her, but we decided against it. What she said was very sweet and simple. I was so proud of her. This was what she said, "I want to bear my testimony. I know the temple is where you can go to get sealed. In the name of...." She was beaming. I asked her how she felt and she said she wanted to do it every Sunday. I pointed out how good she was feeling and told her to remember it.. I hope she always does remember it.

M - I felt good. Oh, was a feeling I appreciate, especially after such a crappy day the day before. Church was awesome. We played Uno after lunch and I have to admit, O is getting really good. She loves to make people draw cards and skip them. In the evening, I went to a friends house to watch the Super Bowl. 

LT continued to be the best husband and father in the world. Hey, he stayed home with O so I could watch the Super Bowl at a friends house. And, he read. He's on the last book of the Mistborn series and will probably stay up until the wee hours of the morning to finish it.

Overall, we had a typical week. Ups and downs, a couple of migraines, lots of play dates and good family time. My life is good. 

I'll leave you with a picture of O playing a geek. We're going to be successful geeking her out yet. She desperately wanted to play with these glasses. What a doll. OH, and you can see her missing front teeth.

Love to you all

The Hills