Day 30

Well, this post is the last in the series, even though it was one I started pondering how I wanted to talk about it in mid November. I am grateful for it and at the same time I despise it. I truly have a love/hate relationship with it.

Medicine.

I am grateful for the medicine that aborts my migraines. I hate that I need to use it so often. I'm a little bit, okay, a lot bit worried about the potential risks for taking it as often as I do. I mean, a stroke or a heart attack aren't really any better than a migraine. Neither is an aneurysm. And, yet, I rely on it only because everything else I've tried has failed.

I am grateful for medicine that saves lives and sustains quality of lives. I don't want to be misunderstood here. I think medicine is a miraculous tool.

I am grateful for medicine that helps with my anxiety/bi-polar disorder. Granted, what I deal with is incredibly mild compared to a majority of people I've met. (Usually in support groups.) I am very fortunate I don't have to deal with extreme symptoms. I am grateful for that. AND, I hate that I have to rely on it to manage my symptoms. A while ago, some natural disaster reminded me of my dependance. I was close to the end of my supply of meds and I realized that if I wasn't able to refill my prescription, for any reason, I would be screwed. I would probably end up crying all of the time and feeling anxious and overwhelmed. It would be a nightmare. It really freaked me out.

You all know, mental health awareness is a soap box of mine. I know a lot of people don't understand mental illness. Unless they have one, they truly struggle to get it. Medicine is great and it doesn't take away all of the symptoms. It makes them more manageable and easier to deal with. Medicine for mental illness has many undesirable side effects; weight gain, numbness, decreased libido, cloudy and sluggish thoughts, and sometimes, even an increase in symptoms, just to name a few. I remember when I committed to taking medicine, I knew it was a life sentence and I felt defeated. I hate it, and I am grateful that I have a much better quality of life.

So, there you have it. A month of gratitude.
"My cup runneth over."